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    dots Submission Name: About a Greyhound in the Starting Boxdots

    Author: lebeauvide
    ASL Info:    24/F
    Elite Ratio:    2.29 - 75/295/165
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 560
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 539


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAbout a Greyhound in the Starting Boxdots

    She will run with all of the abandon and fearlessness of someone that has never known hurt or captivity.
    Dirt will rise up behind her as she launches herself from the earth, and into the sky.
    The gates are closed for now, but this is not her prison.
    This is her tarmac. This is her launch pad.
    She has never been more free than she is right now.
    This is what she will dream about when she is old and her bones ache.
    She does not have wings, but she will fly.
    This is what she was made for.

    Submitted on 2015-09-26 22:36:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      1. I like your quote in your bio.

    2. Stuff doesn't need to be remade to avoid being clich´┐Ż it just needs to be carefully handled.

    3. This poem is a lot longer than it needs to be. In certain places you repeat themes already handled - and that's where i think you need to be careful...

    If you risk saying she has never been more free....

    then it goes a step too far to add what you add in the final two sentences. I think you've already demonstrated wings and freedom via the awesome action in the poem.

    I think rather than saying this is what she was made for a stronger proposition is to lead us to that inference.

    I think that kind of meticulous [approach] takes us from strongness to something that is solely poetry.

    Here endeth a high-end thought.

    I peeked at some of your journals - you have power about you, in what you write.
    | Posted on 2015-09-27 00:00:00 | by theludus | [ Reply to This ]

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