Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: About a Greyhound in the Starting Boxdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lebeauvide
    ASL Info:    24/F
    Elite Ratio:    2.29 - 75/295/165
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 539



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAbout a Greyhound in the Starting Boxdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She will run with all of the abandon and fearlessness of someone that has never known hurt or captivity.
    Dirt will rise up behind her as she launches herself from the earth, and into the sky.
    The gates are closed for now, but this is not her prison.
    This is her tarmac. This is her launch pad.
    She has never been more free than she is right now.
    This is what she will dream about when she is old and her bones ache.
    She does not have wings, but she will fly.
    This is what she was made for.




    Submitted on 2015-09-26 22:36:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      1. I like your quote in your bio.

    2. Stuff doesn't need to be remade to avoid being clich´┐Ż it just needs to be carefully handled.

    3. This poem is a lot longer than it needs to be. In certain places you repeat themes already handled - and that's where i think you need to be careful...

    If you risk saying she has never been more free....

    then it goes a step too far to add what you add in the final two sentences. I think you've already demonstrated wings and freedom via the awesome action in the poem.

    I think rather than saying this is what she was made for a stronger proposition is to lead us to that inference.

    I think that kind of meticulous [approach] takes us from strongness to something that is solely poetry.

    Here endeth a high-end thought.

    I peeked at some of your journals - you have power about you, in what you write.
    | Posted on 2015-09-27 00:00:00 | by theludus | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200701

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    To written by SavedDragon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Giving written by jjd
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Linger written by saartha
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    This written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry