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    dots Submission Name: Beachdots

    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Misc/Nature
    Total Views: 878
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 742


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    Grey green copious torrent
    Framed in dark and white
    Frosted waves hide and toss
    Playful water cowboys
    Bobbing effortlessly atop fiberglass steeds
    Occasionally finding one worth a ride

    I lean into her
    And she pushes back
    Strong, but steady
    Such consolation
    Even as the tiny droplets of
    Tears pelt my face and sunglasses
    Worn for no good reason

    So bleak and cold
    Beautiful is redefined
    Outstretched arms embrace
    What can’t be held
    Saline soaked shirt hangs heavy
    And stretched
    Clinging to my form
    clustered crystalline grains of sand
    Join me for the ride home

    Submitted on 2015-10-03 10:28:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love this poem just because it’s not dark. Not to say that some of your darker poems aren’t good. I especially like you line
    ”Playful water cowboys
    Bobbing effortlessly atop fiberglass steeds
    Occasionally finding one worth a ride”
    It’s very visual and you give a good sense of the pleasantness of your surroundings. I only have one suggestion and that is in the line
    ”Outstretched arms symbolically embrace”
    I leave out the word symbolically. Symbolic is something I have learned in my writing course in that you draw for someone or compare to better understand with your words. Your writing here is pleasant and draws a beautiful picture it kind of feels like it almost forces it with that word, unless you have a symbolic meaning for that word you’d know betty then I.
    Again I like it and I think it was wonderful. Thanks for sharing.

    | Posted on 2015-10-08 00:00:00 | by faideddarkness | [ Reply to This ]

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