Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beachdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Misc/Nature
    Total Views: 1077
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 742



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeachdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Grey green copious torrent
    Framed in dark and white
    Borderless
    Frosted waves hide and toss
    Playful water cowboys
    Bobbing effortlessly atop fiberglass steeds
    Occasionally finding one worth a ride

    I lean into her
    And she pushes back
    Strong, but steady
    Such consolation
    Even as the tiny droplets of
    Tears pelt my face and sunglasses
    Worn for no good reason

    So bleak and cold
    Beautiful is redefined
    Outstretched arms embrace
    What can’t be held
    Saline soaked shirt hangs heavy
    And stretched
    Clinging to my form
    clustered crystalline grains of sand
    Join me for the ride home




    Submitted on 2015-10-03 10:28:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love this poem just because it’s not dark. Not to say that some of your darker poems aren’t good. I especially like you line
    ”Playful water cowboys
    Bobbing effortlessly atop fiberglass steeds
    Occasionally finding one worth a ride”
    It’s very visual and you give a good sense of the pleasantness of your surroundings. I only have one suggestion and that is in the line
    ”Outstretched arms symbolically embrace”
    I leave out the word symbolically. Symbolic is something I have learned in my writing course in that you draw for someone or compare to better understand with your words. Your writing here is pleasant and draws a beautiful picture it kind of feels like it almost forces it with that word, unless you have a symbolic meaning for that word you’d know betty then I.
    Again I like it and I think it was wonderful. Thanks for sharing.

    Faid
    | Posted on 2015-10-08 00:00:00 | by faideddarkness | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200737

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    Blues written by TheStillSilence
    written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    In God's Name written by poetotoe
    Untitled written by _winky_
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Canalizar written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Heroína written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    That Kind of Love Never Brought Me Flowers written by Jazzy
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    Remedies written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry