[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Morning.dots

    Author: ParanoidParadox
    ASL Info:    22/m/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.31 - 89/92/41
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 498
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1118

       It's been a while since I've written something. I think my pen had a different idea of what I was writing than I did.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Morning.dots

    After a restless night,
    Cradled by uncertainty,
    I wander through these jagged streets.

    This city's fading face
    Is reflected in the downcast eyes
    Of everyone that's passing by.

    All's in disarray.
    Our spirit suffocates.

    Buckling under the weight of
    Every lie and sacrifice
    Made in vain just to get by.

    What does is it take to overcome?
    What does it take to maintain
    In these times of such decay?

    A calloused hand pulls on my leg.

    I am not prepared for the sight
    As I look down to see a child
    A hopeless, hungry, hurt in her eyes.

    She asks me for help.
    I don't know what to do.

    "For, in truth I'm lost like you,
    And I simply fail to see
    How someone as brittle as me
    Could ever be the thing you need,
    But, I think that I can try,
    I will not leave you here to die."

    A calloused hand wraps around mine.

    Submitted on 2015-11-05 09:52:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The title makes this intriguing, usually the morning is a time of renewal, freshness, starting over.

    The restless night alludes to what comes next. The second stanza is really powerful. I really enjoyed that idea of the individual that refuses to look up portraying the face of the entire city as person to person to person creates a united observation. I think that is a really creative way to describe the face of the city, made up of many faces.

    Right in the middle of seeking hope ir at the very least endurance, we fond horrific circumstance, a childs hands, calloused suggesting things I dare not imagine. Though the horror of it is staggering we find the answer to your proposed question, what does it take to overcome, as the speaker takes the Childs hand and changes not just a life but an entire set of perspectives. I am a big believer in the ripple affect. Changing one story for the better is like changing reality itself.

    I found this very well written, very thought provoking, and despite the sadness here I really enjoyed it. I was touched by this story.
    | Posted on 2015-11-05 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Legends written by poetotoe
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    This written by Chelebel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Stretto written by saartha
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]