[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Morning.dots

    Author: ParanoidParadox
    ASL Info:    22/m/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.31 - 89/92/41
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 470
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1118

       It's been a while since I've written something. I think my pen had a different idea of what I was writing than I did.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Morning.dots

    After a restless night,
    Cradled by uncertainty,
    I wander through these jagged streets.

    This city's fading face
    Is reflected in the downcast eyes
    Of everyone that's passing by.

    All's in disarray.
    Our spirit suffocates.

    Buckling under the weight of
    Every lie and sacrifice
    Made in vain just to get by.

    What does is it take to overcome?
    What does it take to maintain
    In these times of such decay?

    A calloused hand pulls on my leg.

    I am not prepared for the sight
    As I look down to see a child
    A hopeless, hungry, hurt in her eyes.

    She asks me for help.
    I don't know what to do.

    "For, in truth I'm lost like you,
    And I simply fail to see
    How someone as brittle as me
    Could ever be the thing you need,
    But, I think that I can try,
    I will not leave you here to die."

    A calloused hand wraps around mine.

    Submitted on 2015-11-05 09:52:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The title makes this intriguing, usually the morning is a time of renewal, freshness, starting over.

    The restless night alludes to what comes next. The second stanza is really powerful. I really enjoyed that idea of the individual that refuses to look up portraying the face of the entire city as person to person to person creates a united observation. I think that is a really creative way to describe the face of the city, made up of many faces.

    Right in the middle of seeking hope ir at the very least endurance, we fond horrific circumstance, a childs hands, calloused suggesting things I dare not imagine. Though the horror of it is staggering we find the answer to your proposed question, what does it take to overcome, as the speaker takes the Childs hand and changes not just a life but an entire set of perspectives. I am a big believer in the ripple affect. Changing one story for the better is like changing reality itself.

    I found this very well written, very thought provoking, and despite the sadness here I really enjoyed it. I was touched by this story.
    | Posted on 2015-11-05 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wavelength written by saartha
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Incubus written by monad
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Linger written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Bond written by saartha
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Song written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]