Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I close my eyes Finaledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 458
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1228



    Description:
       She was never there to begin with. Her name is Happiness and I bid adieu to this world....6 Dec 2015

    In my mind:
    I look around me now, there is nothing there...
    A light gleaming through above, Two galaxies churning on the top and bottom of my burnt out body. The person with the heart cut his noose and left. Being dragged in...slowly


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI close my eyes Finaledots
    -------------------------------------------


    I open my eyes for the last time as I see my end is near...


    I watched myself die; my greed, my pride, my life and so it did.
    Even death would stay so far and not embrace me to be happy.
    I watched my childish self, burnt alive within its own flames.

    Oh, how a life came to the plank of darkness,
    to be thrown in eternity of which there is no emotion.


    I watched myself turn around for the last time as she would not embrace me.
    She never existed...a dream that never came true in the history of this tiny soul.
    A dead soul walking the plank, has never been a time where a soul wanted to die.

    Oh, how a life came to an end without knowing what happiness means.


    I watch myself moving towards eternity, I open my eyes to see the end.
    There it is, my life says; and my heart cut loose of itself to die before my body did.
    A 'nothing' being dragged with a gleaming red heart of life.

    I smile as I feel nothing, a charred body moves as a dead soul dies.

    In the end, all I can say...My dear God...

    You win the war...Are you happy now?




    Submitted on 2015-11-08 17:01:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      would you prefer
    when poets die
    that their souls sift
    through another sky

    a bright lance
    children wish upon
    as elders molt
    and close the song...

    Just some thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2015-11-21 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      I’m very fascinated by this writing, the sadness of never finding the meaning to feel happiness. I’m not thrilled by the uncertainty of sadness or the emotion behind it but the painting that you picture. If there was a pain that is ever so greater it’s to learn to accept then grow and become numb. The resemblance of burning and the plank strike this piece with a little character. I enjoyed your writing thanks for sharing.


    Faid
    | Posted on 2015-11-09 00:00:00 | by faideddarkness | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200822

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fasade written by jackz
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Etiquette written by saartha
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry