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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dear Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rawpot
    ASL Info:    24/M/India
    Elite Ratio:    3.83 - 383/256/84
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1037
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 523



    Description:
       A friend has a bad heart ache... ummmp.. i thought of answering her.. but then this came up...
    dear heart.... I dont even know how to name it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDear Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the end comes death,
    Before that...
    All that comes in life,
    What to do with it...
    After death,
    Nothing matters,
    In life...
    What should matter?
    Why should it matter?

    Dear heart,
    Answer that,
    Trouble me not,
    I am not broken,
    Troubling you though,
    I know you are broken,
    I wasn't the reason you broke,
    It wasn't my fault,
    After all it was the matter of heart,
    Life and death....




    Submitted on 2004-08-06 05:20:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Damn I feel like hugging you...you made me cry...but in the good way. Now my face is all red and big. This is sweet, honey I don't know what to say. I felt your heart speaking to mine telling it to stop hurting...And then my heart is smiling back now and I'm telling you one thing...A friend like you should be appreciated. And I wouldn't understand how you cannot have a good freind. Thank you.
    | Posted on 2004-08-07 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]
      i hav to agree with quarley...its pretty odd wen your talkin to ur hearrt but ok!u did good with the explanation but lacked in imagery!
    | Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by unfixable | [ Reply to This ]
      Over all, I enjoyed reading this! You had some great explanations in this piece, if a little lacking in imagery, and it was eloquent. However, I do have qualms with the technical side of this poem:

    1- “what should matter?!
    Why should it matter?!” First off, I think you should capitalize ‘what’, because you capitalized the rest of the poem, and we obsessive-compulsive people are distracted easily when reading. Second, I think you should just stick with a question mark here. You’re grammatically not allowed to have two punctuation marks, and I think it just flows better with your poem.
    2- “I am not broke,
    Troubling you though,
    I know you are broke,” for both ‘broke’s, I think you meant, ‘broken’?
    3- “I wasnt the reason you broke,
    It wasnt my fault,” On both line, it needs to be “wasn’t”.
    4- “Afterall it was the matter of heart,
    life and death...” “After” and “all” are two separate words, and ‘life’ needs to be capitalize to be in-keeping with the rest of the poem, and to appease us obsessive compulsive people as explained above.

    Again, I enjoyed reading your poem, but the grammatical errors took away from it.
    | Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by Wolfe | [ Reply to This ]


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