[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: samdots

    Author: She Is Insane
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 40/60/32
    Words: 231
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 657
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1406


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    you clung yourself so deeply in my skin
    that your scent lingers on after you leave.
    sometimes it scares me how in such short time
    you came to be a born branch of mine
    and yet you quite don’t understand
    the great difference this new thing feels.
    nothing is no longer mechanical
    and the fake feelings felt before you
    are erased; you came to me and i wasn’t
    ready for you.
    i was in a deep slumber
    where nothing ever grows;
    in between worlds.
    never really there in the physical
    and your whole being awoke me
    in ways that i never knew were real
    because love was not existential
    where i was living and dying.
    and you entered here so raw and flawed
    but also fearful and weathered;
    and beautiful.
    you don’t know the depths of your own soul.
    alas, the mirror shows not
    what’s under our skin.
    inside your pores, there lies beauty
    where you hide and lock with a hundred keys
    mazes and cobwebs strays many
    from ever reaching your true self;
    but i’ve ventured within and seen
    a glance of who you really are.
    it excites me and frightens me
    to know someone like you exists.
    you clung yourself so deeply in my skin
    that your scent lingers on after you leave.

    Submitted on 2015-11-19 23:09:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked all the different places that you took my imagination to describe this one being. The images of mazes, keys, locks, inside pores, those were all very interesting. I can appreciate this kind of relationship and reading about it was fine indeed. I enjoyed this piece.

    One bit of criticism that you may not agree with, I did not think the repetition in closing this fit. It didn't seem necessary. I myself have used that same technique, and I get that stylistically. Yet here despite that personal touch of your thoughts carrying the reader back to the original point, I think the lines are so strong initially spoken one time is enough, and everything else you said just elaborates on that. Had you left it out I think it still would have ended beautifully. I like how you started at, you clung yourself so deeply into my skin...and then described how, and made the comment that you can't believe someone like that exists. When you repeat it I get more of a feeling of being returned to the initial thought and for me it draws away from the piece as a whole. I liked it starting there and digressing. Just my feeling. Still a very captivating read.
    | Posted on 2015-12-02 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    To written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Incubus written by monad
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by Chelebel
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]