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    dots Submission Name: samdots

    Author: She Is Insane
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 40/60/32
    Words: 231
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 553
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1406


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    you clung yourself so deeply in my skin
    that your scent lingers on after you leave.
    sometimes it scares me how in such short time
    you came to be a born branch of mine
    and yet you quite don’t understand
    the great difference this new thing feels.
    nothing is no longer mechanical
    and the fake feelings felt before you
    are erased; you came to me and i wasn’t
    ready for you.
    i was in a deep slumber
    where nothing ever grows;
    in between worlds.
    never really there in the physical
    and your whole being awoke me
    in ways that i never knew were real
    because love was not existential
    where i was living and dying.
    and you entered here so raw and flawed
    but also fearful and weathered;
    and beautiful.
    you don’t know the depths of your own soul.
    alas, the mirror shows not
    what’s under our skin.
    inside your pores, there lies beauty
    where you hide and lock with a hundred keys
    mazes and cobwebs strays many
    from ever reaching your true self;
    but i’ve ventured within and seen
    a glance of who you really are.
    it excites me and frightens me
    to know someone like you exists.
    you clung yourself so deeply in my skin
    that your scent lingers on after you leave.

    Submitted on 2015-11-19 23:09:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked all the different places that you took my imagination to describe this one being. The images of mazes, keys, locks, inside pores, those were all very interesting. I can appreciate this kind of relationship and reading about it was fine indeed. I enjoyed this piece.

    One bit of criticism that you may not agree with, I did not think the repetition in closing this fit. It didn't seem necessary. I myself have used that same technique, and I get that stylistically. Yet here despite that personal touch of your thoughts carrying the reader back to the original point, I think the lines are so strong initially spoken one time is enough, and everything else you said just elaborates on that. Had you left it out I think it still would have ended beautifully. I like how you started at, you clung yourself so deeply into my skin...and then described how, and made the comment that you can't believe someone like that exists. When you repeat it I get more of a feeling of being returned to the initial thought and for me it draws away from the piece as a whole. I liked it starting there and digressing. Just my feeling. Still a very captivating read.
    | Posted on 2015-12-02 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

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