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    dots Submission Name: veiled truthdots

    Author: Alter idem
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 356/27/10
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Story/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 917
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 409


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsveiled truthdots

    years, like mist, reveal familiar beauties,
    the freshness of the newly unforeseen,
    hidden in the diligence of duties
    in obeisance to what has been.
    remember, then, the grace that comes with being
    the harbour each to hold the other's heart,
    yearning for precisely what you're seeing,
    needing what you cannot have apart.

    Submitted on 2015-11-21 06:12:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think that your nostalgia and story classifications reveal that there are volumes of poetry at large.

    Returning to this: i like the ingrediants you have got going in this, i wish you could just sit down beside me while i explained everything i like about it.

    I like most the way the words are used... the feminine endings to the rhyme/sentences, the being seeing beauties duties etc aid the poems flow and soft lyrical feel
    whereas the points where you want to deliver power are marked with power words, preparing us for something you use short punctuation and a power word....

    Blah blah blah....

    See, what I'm saying is that generally on the right hand side of the page the words are trailing off-
    on the left hand side you're basically feeding us the strongest part of every word. The 2nd short pause remember, then, is strong too, it indicates we are coming to the meat and bones of the poem....it's like a volta in a sonnet....
    And i like that word indicates because your composition here is such a rich transference of feeling.

    As a statement those last two lines are everything, i mean what more could you want.

    I was thinking today for some reason how my spirit just tells me wait. you question that and it just says wait

    and we are small and the universe is big
    and what holds today might not hold tomorrow.

    Calmness needs chaos to run into.
    Just, wait.

    and so what I'm saying is
    it's a beautiful poem.

    Also: now Keith has two comments and i have two comments,
    knot that it's a competition.
    | Posted on 2016-03-16 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      see above:

    'and you should do more'.

    or knot.

    but all that chutney aside: you really do write classically well and i for one would read your stuff - as and when…

    | Posted on 2016-02-17 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
    a treat.
    and worth waiting for.

    i think Pollens has it: the words have been arranged (properly and carefully) for a reason and as a consequence there is proper resonance and the poem has real honesty.

    the form is appropriate to the tone: it rather supports that list of wants that coalesce into that yearning - and the last line is a pure form of punctuation.

    you write well.

    and you should do more.

    Merry Christmas Jx
    | Posted on 2015-12-16 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought, J
    that this had some classic symmetry and calls upon the reader for the full pronunciation of words, once enlisted he or her can fully appreciate the consumate ease wherein you weave your intricacies

    If i was in search of adventure-
    this is the sort of poem
    has you sitting at the edge
    of a forest and a parrot
    lands on your shoulder.

    You must be able to arrange words for a reason.

    I like it for
    all the soul
    it's got.
    | Posted on 2015-12-08 00:00:00 | by Pollens | [ Reply to This ]
      Simple and complete.
    | Posted on 2015-11-24 00:00:00 | by Chelebel | [ Reply to This ]

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