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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Night outdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 471
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1149



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNight outdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Background noise provided by the local band
    Familiar and original,
    The voice carries and lingers over the tables and the bars

    We are families

    I didn't recognize his face as he walked up to our table
    And I never really had much to say prior to this moment
    Yet once engaged in conversation I found out what I didn't know I already knew

    Here is another stalemate at life
    Here is another lover of that golden ratio

    Here he is and here we are
    Citrine stone in my wedding band
    Somehow fumbling over and over due to the Freudian slips mixed in with my drink

    I am spinning around and trying to keep my cool as the entire room grasps for attention
    Smoke clouds replace the perfectly grand tunes
    As our singer and his musicians join us

    There is no limit to what I might say now
    The truth is good and ripe on my lips
    Everytime I open my mouth another thing escapes

    We never know how to end this awkwardly comfortable conversation
    Until our cab shows up




    Submitted on 2015-12-20 17:10:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I feel that my inebriation may have caused me to miss something here, lol.

    "The truth is good and ripe on my lips"

    I love that. Isn't the truth always like that when you're feeling wonderfully social and clever due to the alcohol coursing through your blood?

    It is funny to read this, because I was there, and could probably write about the very same night and it have a completely different tone. It is fun to get someone else's view on it.
    | Posted on 2016-01-01 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. It's kind of glitzy in the scene setting and it has many qualities of good prose actually, because it sort of tells a short story while keeping the small window of a poem to frame the idea of things slipping out. Alcahol does make us say things and I like the idea of fraudien slips being mixed with drink, it's a strange wording that seems to work.

    Is Citrine a colour? What's its significance?

    It's a good encapsulation of a night out, sort of lyrical like you might make a song out of the theme. It doesn;t get very dark or heavy, the closest is maybe stale-mate at life but even that line in context sounds like it's refreshing to meet an impasse, or be challenged. And anyway, dark and brooding is not always good. I enjoyed the general swoon of this, and I can't really give you any advice on how to make it better. Just seems like it's capturing a general feeling well.
    | Posted on 2015-12-22 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]


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