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    dots Submission Name: dots

    Author: Pollens
    Elite Ratio:    1.04 - 4/27/34
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 439
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3176


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                        That first death,
                        holding a place
                        where you had been,

                                                                                    like lights
                                                                                    coming on
                                                                                    in a house .


    &_ one by one by one by one by one by one by one by one
    by one by one by one by one by one by one by one by one
    by one by one by one by one by one by one by one by one
    by one by one by one by one by one by one by one by one
    by one by one by one by one by one by one by one by one
    by one by one by one by one by one by one by one by one
    by one by.

    the flames are extinguished.

    Submitted on 2015-12-23 02:09:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this one. I read some poems by you the other day but I didn't have much to add or say. They were good but you know sometimes you just are looking for something in particular?

    This plays to all the strengths of your formalism. Or non-formalism? There is a degree of silliness in responding to this, because such poems invite the reader to find meanings in the form, the shape of the words, the arrangement. The meaning is kind of in flux. A degree of trust is required in the writer, because I can imagine him experimenting, putting things this way and that, messing around and all of a sudden, just so, there is what he wanted. Some connection or thing that excites his creativity.

    And what that may be is open enough. And the process is kind of the same for the reader, in that they are making connections. Of course all poetry does this in a way but I think it's more perilous in pieces where the words are arranged in such a way as to call attention to their own fallibility, to look at where they are as well as what they mean.

    This poem then, has some re-assurance in it's dual metaphors, life and death coming and going like light and darkness (in the universal sense), but conveyed like light-bulbs, brittle ideas that can explode and are at the mercy of coming on and off at any time. I read by one by one "" "" "" etc all the way through, not because I thought it was pleasurable but because of the repetition which make the words lose meaning and gain meaning and lose it again. The one repeated so many times implies the individual among a whole universe of other things which come and go, light up and die.

    The flames at the end are more natural than bulbs. And extinguish almost as a relief from all the mundane existence before it. Also the lights being transformed into flame. After all in the first stanza, a torch does not come on, and a flame does not shut off.

    It's an interesting read DB. I must say.

    A keeper. You could do almost with some other readings of it. Because I expect there are a few ways you could look at it.
    | Posted on 2015-12-24 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the structure of this, I was able to read it a few different ways BC hey who is to say which way it should be read. The meanings are similar but interchangeable. I don't think it takes away from the overall subject, rather adds layers to it that i think yields an abstract form that is a sort of illusion. So we have an aesthetically pleasing mix of words incorporated strategically that form together to actually have meaning. I don't know how much of it is intentional or me taking liberties but I really enjoyed the puzzle.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2015-12-23 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

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