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    dots Submission Name: Family mandots

    Author: OneDarkFlame92
    ASL Info:    23/m/Numeanor
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 455/419/222
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 439
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 491


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFamily mandots

    Caught between daylight and a midnight feeding
    How often does real life keep on repeating?

    And when I look outside and darkness still lingers,
    I count every hour, with a bottle, attached to my fingers.

    I'll search for that something that brave souls go to find,
    I'll take my guitar and leave the family behind

    Cause conventional drags, like the dark before dawn,
    When morning appears consider me gone

    Submitted on 2016-01-02 03:20:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like some pieces of this. The rhymes are really good and the ending lines are a good conclusion. It's pretty slight but in my opinion most of the lines are interesting.

    I thought: "with a bottle, attached to my fingers."

    Was an eye-catching but slightly awkward image, but the rest of the poem seemed on point to giving this feeling of freedom and abandonment.

    Some good stuff here, but I would have liked it to be a little more expansive.

    Anyway, thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2016-01-04 00:00:00 | by Angeles | [ Reply to This ]
      When family appears
    With all its distractions
    We're tempted to ditch
    Our piece of the action...

    Just a few thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2016-01-03 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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