Family man

Author: OneDarkFlame92 ASL Info:    23/m/Numeanor Elite Ratio:    5.3 - 461 /425 /227 Words: 73

Class/Type: Misc /Misc Total Views: 1569 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 491

Description:

---

Family man

---

Caught between daylight and a midnight feeding How often does real life keep on repeating? And when I look outside and darkness still lingers, I count every hour, with a bottle, attached to my fingers. I'll search for that something that brave souls go to find, I'll take my guitar and leave the family behind Cause conventional drags, like the dark before dawn, When morning appears consider me gone

Submitted on 2016-01-02 03:20:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

I like some pieces of this. The rhymes are really good and the ending lines are a good conclusion. It's pretty slight but in my opinion most of the lines are interesting. I thought: "with a bottle, attached to my fingers." Was an eye-catching but slightly awkward image, but the rest of the poem seemed on point to giving this feeling of freedom and abandonment. Some good stuff here, but I would have liked it to be a little more expansive. Anyway, thanks for the read.

| Posted on 2016-01-04 00:00:00 | by Angeles | [ Reply to This ]

When family appears With all its distractions We're tempted to ditch Our piece of the action... Just a few thoughts on yours.

| Posted on 2016-01-03 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

200965