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Family man

Author: OneDarkFlame92
ASL Info:    23/m/Numeanor
Elite Ratio:    5.3 - 461 /425 /227
Words: 73
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1569
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 491


Family man

Caught between daylight and a midnight feeding
How often does real life keep on repeating?

And when I look outside and darkness still lingers,
I count every hour, with a bottle, attached to my fingers.

I'll search for that something that brave souls go to find,
I'll take my guitar and leave the family behind

Cause conventional drags, like the dark before dawn,
When morning appears consider me gone

Submitted on 2016-01-02 03:20:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I like some pieces of this. The rhymes are really good and the ending lines are a good conclusion. It's pretty slight but in my opinion most of the lines are interesting.

I thought: "with a bottle, attached to my fingers."

Was an eye-catching but slightly awkward image, but the rest of the poem seemed on point to giving this feeling of freedom and abandonment.

Some good stuff here, but I would have liked it to be a little more expansive.

Anyway, thanks for the read.
| Posted on 2016-01-04 00:00:00 | by Angeles | [ Reply to This ]
  When family appears
With all its distractions
We're tempted to ditch
Our piece of the action...

Just a few thoughts on yours.
| Posted on 2016-01-03 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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