Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Family mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: OneDarkFlame92
    ASL Info:    23/m/Numeanor
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 457/422/225
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 726
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 491



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFamily mandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Caught between daylight and a midnight feeding
    How often does real life keep on repeating?

    And when I look outside and darkness still lingers,
    I count every hour, with a bottle, attached to my fingers.

    I'll search for that something that brave souls go to find,
    I'll take my guitar and leave the family behind

    Cause conventional drags, like the dark before dawn,
    When morning appears consider me gone




    Submitted on 2016-01-02 03:20:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like some pieces of this. The rhymes are really good and the ending lines are a good conclusion. It's pretty slight but in my opinion most of the lines are interesting.

    I thought: "with a bottle, attached to my fingers."

    Was an eye-catching but slightly awkward image, but the rest of the poem seemed on point to giving this feeling of freedom and abandonment.

    Some good stuff here, but I would have liked it to be a little more expansive.

    Anyway, thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2016-01-04 00:00:00 | by Angeles | [ Reply to This ]
      When family appears
    With all its distractions
    We're tempted to ditch
    Our piece of the action...

    Just a few thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2016-01-03 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200965

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Variety written by saartha
    motivations, eclectic. written by Daniel Barlow
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Emotions written by taintedsmiles
    what a thought could do to you written by Daniel Barlow
    Something Spoken written by Daniel Barlow
    Spaces written by Daniel Barlow
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    a given written by Daniel Barlow
    Roots written by Chelebel
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Ahem written by Daniel Barlow
    Ardent written by saartha
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    Things become tangled written by Daniel Barlow
    Merge written by saartha
    Rough written by saartha
    The Inate written by MyPeriodical
    Sólo por pensar asi written by MyPeriodical
    like any good spartan written by Daniel Barlow
    Exult written by saartha
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Position written by Daniel Barlow
    Sun-meeting written by Daniel Barlow
    5/29/2019 written by nolram
    Ballad written by Daniel Barlow
    your feet, your flared nostrils, your forearms written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry