[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: You Knot Medots

    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    44/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 2626/1259/187
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 423
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1108


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Knot Medots

    You Knot Me

    A knot sits firmly
    constricting breath-
    a ball of emotions
    impossible to name

    Familiar in its discontent,
    it's a weave of negativity;
    a conglomeration of pain,
    despair, abandonment,
    anger, tears, and fear
    amalgamated into this emotion.
    One that can only be described
    with the word You.

    Years have filed its bite;
    teeth worn with age
    no longer hold their edge.
    Yet somehow you appear
    in the face of others actions.
    A forgotten call,
    an appointment not kept,
    a gentle shove away,
    a distancing,
    all bring you back.

    So once again,
    I stare you down
    as you sit heavy on my chest,
    And I vow, this time
    You will not bring me to tears.

    But no matter, the words,
    or tears held,
    You sit firmly-
    a knot constricting breath;
    A ball of emotion
    impossible to name
    with any one word

    Submitted on 2016-01-10 16:30:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Jan i'm going to start with my views on the shape and content of your write and then i'm going to deliver my own perspective on the 'message' so:

    you knot me (lower case because it's less confusing?)
    (because) a knot sits firmly,
    constricting (my) breath(ing).
    (this) ball of emotions is impossible
    (for me) to name

    Familiar in its discontent (this knot) is:
    a weave of negativity,
    a conglomeration of pain,
    of despair,
    of abandonment,
    anger, tears, and fear and all
    amalgamated into this emotion.
    One that can only be described
    with the word

    Years have filed its bite;
    teeth (have been) worn with age
    (and they) no longer hold their edge.
    somehow you appear in the face of others' actions
    a forgotten call,
    an appointment not kept,
    a gentle shove away,
    a distancing.
    (these and others they) all bring you back.

    So once again I stare you down
    as you sit heavy on my chest
    and I vow (that) this time
    You will not make me cry...

    no matter then the words
    or the tears held back,
    You sit firmly (still) -
    the knot constricting my breath;
    that ball of emotion
    impossible to name with any one word

    and so you move(d) on Jan and this write belies that fact but then, it's just a poem on an internet poetry writing site. i trust all is well - then and now.

    and this ranks amongst one of your goodest ones - in my opinion.

    | Posted on 2016-02-20 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Is this about some part of you that you buried in the past that comes back to haunt you? That's what I felt, that is a very scary thing, when things are going absolutely great and then suddenly that part comes up - which you have to deal with before you can go farther.
    | Posted on 2016-02-17 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really powerful to me. I know the kind of feeling you wrote about here, for me I've sat as both the "knotted" and, I believe in some persons eyes, the "you".
    Neither is a place I'd like to be again.

    The idea I get from your third stanza is missing this person, this pain, Does this mean that from then on the feeling is an hallucination? A memory or even wishful thinking?
    | Posted on 2016-01-11 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      First things first, I liked the description or comparison to this feeling and their source coming from teeth that have lost their edge. It is a very good and accurate description of how something ir someone can affect you over time. Which you say so well in this way.

    I also liked how you used the knot which I am certain your readers will understand and yet the description seemed exclusive to you. To be able to describe something in such a way, that many others including myself have doubtless encountered, in such a powerful way that it feels like I am reading it for the first time is a trait of your talent as a writer.

    That being stated this was very familiar to me. I could see how this could address anyone in life a parent a friend an old lover, you leave that vague by naming only "you" and I agree with that choice as I believe everyone will put their own specific story in that place and your audience is broadened.

    Another great one
    | Posted on 2016-01-11 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    AI written by poetotoe
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Wavelength written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]