Description: Self-analogy makes me wonder sometimes if some of the things that I do are a not-so-subliminal retaliation to being mistreated throughout my life.
I'd like to think I'm above that sort of thing, but although I do not act for retribution, the fact that I don't regret my transgressions is most likely my pay-backs...
Anyway...just thinking too much again...
Since a couple of people seem to find the wedding reference very vague, I'll explain:
It is a reference to how my father barely acknowledged my presence at the wedding of my best childhood friend. She had invited him and his new wife (my mother had been dead 8 years at that time and he'd remarried at age 75) and she had brought a girl-friend along. They sat in the last occupied pew on the bride's side of the church and we slid in behind them in the back because we were late. He barely said "hello" and then later, after the ceremony, he snagged the minister and did introductions but completely ignored me and my husband and son, and we were standing right behind him. It's as though he forgot we were there, or didn't care.
At the reception, they sat two tables away from us with people they knew from church in their town; people who would know me if he introduced me, but he didn't. They didn't look our way much less speak to us all night, and the pain of being ignored like that really hurt me (I got drunk and was crying and all kinds of [censored]...)
Two years ago I got sick of trying to throw myself at him for attention and decided to remove myself from his life. He and his wife came to the wake of my mother-in-law and I had gone up to him and gave him a hug and said, "Thanks for coming" and he literally shrank away from me like I'd burned him and they left after 5 minutes. That was August 3, 2002...I haven't spoken to him since.
She sat on the floor with her paints and brush,
carefully tending the image in her mind.
Just perfect, right there; the color, the shape.
So gently, she rises to hang paper to dry.
Out of the corner of her eye, a movement;
a hand, reaching to grab the picture
out of her resisting fingertips.
"HA HA!!!!!!!!" the gleeful laugh while crinkling parchment and co-mingling colors fold about her heart.
Chalk marks on the sidewalk.
Numbered squares in colorful hues.
Special stones picked for their beauty.
Unique and sparkling against the gray concrete.
When suddenly, the whirr of chain-powered wheels
and the incessant ringing of handle-bar bells.
Leaping aside to avoid being hit.
And he skids to a stop in the midst of her game.
Black tire marks smearing chalk-lines.
Stones scattering into the grass.
Flash forward now to later years
The bright flare of happiness as she is handed a letter.
A friend, writing to her, remembering her.
Tearing open the envelope with eager hands.
Suddenly, the pages are ripped from her grasp
"Give me that, that's mine! You have no right to read that, it's private!"
Slowly, deliberately, paper ripped to pieces
"Private? I'll look at anything I want."
Foreward still, slipping in late to the ceremony
Her best friend's wedding, and what a surprise!
In the last row stands her father and his wife.
The woman turns and says hello, and introduces her friend.
There is mention of a new grand-baby on the way
one of her children is pregnant again.
He barely acknowleges their presence.
After the ceremony; he hails the minister.
Remember me? And this is my wife and her friend.
Hands clasp, shoulders slapped greetings and well-wishing exchanged.
While under her breath, "...and this is my daughter? And my son-in-law, my grandson?"
The sudden slap of thoughtlessness
Pushing her backwards, cutting bluntly into her soul.
Forward still...and as she wonders why her destiny seems to be ruled by other's inconsideration, she turns to seek comfort in her lover's arms.
She should be faithful. She should be kind.
She should care and not indulge.
For such behavior would truly destroy him.
And would cause her father such embarrassment if he knew.
this was an interesting right. I like how you shaped it so the disregard, and lack or respect really began shaping her. The third disregard section didn't grasp me though like the first or second did, it was a bit dull, and didn't have the sparkle the others did. That section is my only suggestion you revise a bit on. But tis your work...so your choice...
I love how you show how these beautiful events, ruined by disregard, have changed your life. This is wonderfully written, and I felt like it was my picture, etc. getting ruined. This is an amazing poem.
Flash forward now to later years The bright flare of happiness as she is handed a letter. A friend, writing to her, remembering her. Tearing open the envelope with eager hands.
Suddenly, the pages are ripped from her grasp "Give me that, that's mine! You have no right to read that, it's private!"
Slowly, deliberately, paper ripped to pieces "Private? I'll look at anything I want."
These lines just made me feel even more for the protaganist. You are very talented.
I should reread it. It's really intricate and deep. I don't fully understand everything, but what I did was wonderful. I'm very sorry if this is what you've lived through. Keep ya head up is my only advice. love love, reid kat