" I suffered a lot of losses last year.
what we lose is also what we gain.
death and birth and
life and breath and death.
i cried more tears than
i’ve ever allowed to fall from my eyes.
i was harder on myself
than i’ve ever been before.
i saw faces and facets of myself
i never want to see again.
and yet, some i hope return in time
with more lines of wisdom
etched into brown skin. *(the eye?)
in the last year of my twenties,
i shaped my life
into a mold i never imagined
would fit me. yet,
with the right people at my side,
always on time,
we burst through doors that have always
we hit the ground running.
learned new ways to trust.
learned new ways to redirect
my hate, anger, and frustration.
fought back old ways and habits.
relived my past in people and forgave
myself for conditioning i thought i’d gotten rid of.
i walked new roads and realized ancient contracts
resigned to them with youthful fever.
fell in love once.
over and over.
stood on mountains,
swam in rivers,
listened to war torn winds
and opened up to the possibilities
that love has to offer.
became confused at its power
and lost in its feeling.
stumbled at my own promises,
got lost in my own poetry,
found myself in my cosmic melody,
and became more selfish
with my solitude and rituals.
i learned the pain of friendship
the joys of being an anchor.
Found the power in my mothers
the depth in their daughters.
Saw myself in their children
Envisioned a future not far off.
Tasted the poisons of my father and
the recklessness of his sons.
I cast the magic and bond of family
into the arms and work of a band.
Said goodbye to my sidekick pup,
to holy rivers run dry,
and versions of myself.
Said hello to saturn,
to new mantras,
to earth projects,
new territories and
to versions of myself
i needed to create in order
to see this life mission through.
i struggled with understanding
the backwards problems
of giving and receiving.
how ironic and clich�
to think you are good at both.
how ironic and embarrassing
to see yourself in a light not so beautiful.
and to embrace your flaws and fears.
to remember you are braver than those things.
to suffer the consequences in training yourself
to be the best version of yourself every day.
and of course,
revel in the rewards of
acknowledging your flaws."