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    dots Submission Name: Pro-Choice Summative Assessmentdots

    Author: MyPeriodical
    ASL Info:    18/m/pr
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 288/229/264
    Words: 796
    Class/Type: Rant/Nature
    Total Views: 947
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4641

       wrote this for english and wanted to store it somewhere for future use. got the chance to write it, so...here y'go

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPro-Choice Summative Assessmentdots

    There is a world where orphans are seen as unfortunate and needy; starved for affection and care. Yet, in this world, a child who goes unwanted is a child who was granted a fortunate life. A mother, 10x more likely to die from giving birth than from having an abortion, is forced to deliver a baby and give it away because the timing wasn’t right. Did you know, readers, that women granted the right of abortion are less likely to undergo psychological damage than those who’ve been denied it? And this makes sense, when one has in mind the struggles a person may have if not financially capable to bear a child versus guilt or oppression.
    This world is where consciousness is assumed to have been given from the time of conception - a body with muscle but no brain thus no frontal lobe – and this world is where those who offer information are blatantly ignored.

    There are things we simply do not understand – for now, but does this mean that we must override the right to one’s body due to another’s ethics and beliefs? As much as scientists are trying to explain the differences between an unborn fetus and a baby – as much research as there has been, people against abortion are relentless. Scholars have established studies such as the development of the cortex and spinal cord; where intrusion is sensed and pain is sent out, which does not develop till the last few weeks in the mother’s womb, yet a frequent argument is that the fetus may feel pain. To what extent are people willing to say “Oh, but the facts simply cannot be”? Will we encourage the development of technology to our own selfish whim and yet deny the progression of knowledge? Is this not what happened in the Salem Witch Trials - the division of rights due to a guess; when a person’s uneducated beliefs interfere with another’s right to control their own life? Shouldn’t it be the person’s say with what happens to their body, like a woman who’s being accused of being a witch, who refuses to confess to a lie? Or shall we be hanged for the sake of another’s fear or doubt?

    People for pro-life – even some outside of the religious community – continue to enforce regulations that have every reason to be overturned. Others argue that life is life, but if it can neither deny nor confirm itself, what makes a fetus free to be born to a reluctant mother? What kind of community supports the rise of bad spirits; when a child is born to be placed in an adoption home, or even moved from foster to foster at a time? Is stability no longer cherished? Well, it’s deemed itself the right to be, as nearly half of foster-children in the world become homeless once they turn 18; kicked out by those that were supposedly supporting them. And to bring this home, scholars estimate that in the U.S.A, nearly 140,000 abortions have occurred in year 2016 while more than 250,000 children in the U.S. enter the foster care system every year. Only around 100,000 of these children are eligible for adoption, but only 30% of these children will wait over three years in foster care before being adopted. A study of foster children in Oregon and Washington State found that nearly 1/3 of foster children report being abused by a foster parent or another adult at that foster home – imagine the children who were too afraid to speak.

    80% of ex-foster children are traced and reported by case-workers to be “doing poorly” – in other words, these people have no means to be working, or have been drawn into criminal activities. Connecticut officials estimate 75% of youths in the state's criminal justice system were once in foster care. To support this illustration, Steven D. Levitt, a published PhD in the peer-reviewed Quarterly Journal of Economics says "Legalized abortion has contributed significantly to recent crime reductions." because "Women who have abortions are those most at risk to give birth to children who would engage in criminal activity." and women who had control over the timing of childbearing were more likely to raise children in optimal environments. The stats say it! Crime is reduced when there is access to legal abortion, and ex-foster-kids are 3x more likely to attempt suicide than those from a family home. Imagine, a world where children are abused by foster parents and used for government pay. Then imagine a country where we have more than triple the amount of those children living unwanted and unloved by the parents who were denied adoption rights.
    Now, ask yourself – is adoption really that much of an option?

    Submitted on 2016-02-25 10:57:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The essay is written in what I would qualify as semi-serious language (where one wants serious language strictly speaking in an essay). But that aside, because it isn't a huge problem as much as a technicality, I think the biggest struggle the reader will face in approaching this piece of writing are your conjunctions and poor transitions. Let me try to give you a clear example:

    Only around 100,000 of
    these children are eligible for adoption, but only 30% of these children will wait over three years in foster care before being adopted.

    The first set of emboldened words refers to a subject in the previous sentence. The fact that you've used a period to separate these two clauses creates a strenuous relation (because the particular subject isn't a pervasively recurring one). This in and of itself is not necessarily a faux pas in terms of syntax (it is sometimes necessary); it does, however, force an extreme awkwardness onto the adjoined conjunction and subsequent clause. It's like you've a footnote to a footnote about a reference. Consequently, the choice of conjunction becomes obfuscating (why are we opposing these two facts as if they contradict or are contrariwise to one another?) and the same goes for the latter case of the indirect subject (is the second mention of "these children" also in reference to the 250'000, or is it a self-contained reference to the 100'000?).

    It's not like these things can't be figured out, in meaning and structure, but when you're perusing a text (particularly one that's trying to convince you of a point), these types of lacunae lead to disinterest, disconnectedness, and essentially misunderstanding.

    I don't particularly care for these things, and I don't think you write poorly by any means (you've quite an interesting or unique unto itself voice). I simply point them out because somewhere along the line I can't help but be pedantic.

    With regards to the content, I think emwren touched on the important points. You are quoting someone else, but you are nonetheless the author of the order in which these things were amalgamated & presented. The crime bit is extremely speculative and narrow in consideration. Foster children and non-adopted unaborted children are not by nature more prone to crime (in which case, suggesting that abortion as a choice would logically reduce crime rates would accurate). It's the environment in which they're placed, alongside the lack of opportunity forced upon them that essentially funnels them towards that type of behaviour. Which simply means the societal structure currently in place cannot adequately handle (or properly, case in point the abuse tangent) them. But again, this isn't THEIR fault. It's more a problem we have that we impose on them. And even if all possible abortion opportunities were taken, there'd still be children orphaned by strokes of tragedy. So basically, we need to fix the system so it stops encouraging children to go down such terrible paths. If this still seems unclear to you, think of it in terms of sex: you're basically suggesting abstinence is the solution to STIs (avoid them altogether by just not having them, aka avoid foster children by just aborting them before they get to that point). Abstinence is a rather unnatural form of abnegation which can lead to psychological dissonance. Using protection and being informed about STIs, however, is a system that works much better for most people. This is where my analogy fails to connect -- specifically because we don't have a comparably "better" system for foster children.

    | Posted on 2016-03-24 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting paper, I'm assuming you were required to choose a side and argue it? I'm not sure I agree with your conclusion or the research quoted, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the expression and use it as any opportunity to think a little deeper about the subject of abortion.

    The idea that abortion can lower crime rates seems speculative, how does one collect data on children who were never born. I don't think there are easy or clear-cut answers that can solve issues like this. I also think that many kids in foster care were not necessarily only born because the mother didn't have access to abortion.

    It worries me a little to think of the step from claiming crime rates could be lowered if certain children were never born to forcing abortions where an outsider feels the parent may prove less than equal to the task of raising a child. I realize that's not a real threat, but seems a possible step for future generations if such research became trusted. It is a new twist that I haven't seen before, so I congratulate you for taking a different approach to the argument.

    I don't mean my comment in a critical way, just thought I'd take a minute to say something to acknowledge your work put in. I always think topics like this are made for debate, anyway. All of us seeing the issue from a unique angle as we do. Good work on this.
    | Posted on 2016-03-08 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]

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