Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hell of adots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hyproglo
    Elite Ratio:    4 - 180/257/152
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 646
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1000



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHell of adots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hell of a place to be when you don't believe in hell
    A sunny day on a cold mountain
    A windy day on a warm beach
    How incomplete that must feel without a demon

    Wrap yourself in a cocoon of chains
    Again and again
    Your favorite phrase...I cant

    The world may turn and spin, but it's never turned me out

    There are so many things I can build upon from here...

    Everyone is on the cusp of seeing me alive.

    Where are you?
    Where are they?

    Maybe your mistake was feeling that today
    Was just like yesterday

    Everyone is on the cusp of living an abundant life.

    Or wrapping themselves in a cocoon...

    Mark my words...there is no devil...there is no hell...there are only choices that conflict with common sense.

    Hell of a thing to smile about the next time you tell your demons hello.






    Submitted on 2016-02-27 23:35:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey,

    The way you write this reminds me of pieces that I've written in the past, and that alone caught my attention. That being said, while this poem appears like it's all over the place, I know what you're trying to do and that gives it cohesion, at least to me.

    I like the way that you bring back a lot of your devices write before the end. What it's able to do is give this poem an ironic quality.

    "Wrap yourself in a cocoon of chains/
    everyone is on the cusp on living an abundant life,
    or wrapping themselves in a cocoon"

    I very much like that way you delivered this.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2016-02-28 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201081

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Giving written by jjd
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    The Promise written by annie0888
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry