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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Parking Lot of Antiquitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lukewarm
    Elite Ratio:    6.38 - 621/624/173
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 263
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 561



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Parking Lot of Antiquitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    You are sticky blossoms in dark closets,
    Listerine pouring through crevices,
    Hands grabbing rock and pulling themselves
    up and over, the kind of sports
    brothers play, anthems to sweaty Greek gods,
    sundrenched sky and porcelain air.

    Here is the hard angle that sets itself against us;
    This world is an imperfect mirror, it throws back
    rocks and dinner plates, cold locker rooms in January,
    a sparrow fallen to the sidewalk
    next to the rushing sounds of the freeway.





    Submitted on 2016-03-04 18:32:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You are sticky blossoms in dark closets,

    Weed?

    Listerine pouring through crevices,

    This line's a little clunky, also, I'm not entirely sure I get the idea of it. Just basic gargling action?

    Hands grabbing rock and pulling themselves
    up and over, the kind of sports
    brothers play, anthems to sweaty Greek gods,
    sundrenched sky and porcelain air.


    Love the image.


    Here is the hard angle that sets itself against us;
    This world is an imperfect mirror, it throws back
    rocks and dinner plates, cold locker rooms in January,
    a sparrow fallen to the sidewalk
    next to the rushing sounds of the freeway.


    This feels so sad, especially in comparison to the first bit. As always (probably getting bored of hearing that), I love the quick montage of images, like snapshots blurring past. Not enough to give me a full image of what they refer to, but enough to give me a sense of the emotion you have in mind. I do really think this last stanza is beautiful, probably mostly because it seems real. Like a real series of events that leads to something bigger. I think the first stanza could you some work to reach the level of awesome that the second bit is at, but really, it's a very nice poem as it is.
    | Posted on 2016-04-07 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the rhythm with which you write and how a coagulate of vibrant phrasing turns into something more refined in the second half because it is addressed rather than being left.

    Because you give the words that attention, naturally, attention is drawn to the words and i think that is something like life,
    it reminds me of the movie Stand By Me, the calamitous events of one summer, the highs and lows of things, the evening out, and how it takes longevity to appreciate something shortlived,
    or how things shortlived exist in us, achieving a longevity.

    I really like the poem because it moves both ways,
    it says life is the events in which you will become lost.
    And it also says that the events which we become lost in represent a point from which we will move to a place of umderstanding.

    I don't want to north and south this but it makes me think of a door and a key and that to live is to navigate a place of confusion, that's why i like the sky and freeway comparison-
    hit on the gravity of a thing and it is already gone.

    I like that, it's kind of instructional, apsire, think on things sure, but don't be afraid of the living, in varying quantum/s those things are of equal import, the precarious and precious dynamic of life.

    The poem is rich with that lot.
    | Posted on 2016-03-07 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Did anybody ever really like the bolsheviks? I know a question is by no means a strong thesis, hell it basically isn't a thesis, but you can't escape the wonder it leaves you with. And isn't that more lethal than a good argument? A kind of poison you can't cure no matter how deeply you dig to pull it out.

    I liked your poem because I think somewhere in the mess of ideas that form it was the idea of rock climbing. Maybe it wasn't an original, but more of a kind of additif that comes along with exposing your work to the public. It really can't be decided or debated.

    And perhaps, at this point (the ending, because god knows we could be spared of all these inane happenings), a strong unquestioning statement. Perhaps not.
    | Posted on 2016-03-07 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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