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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Raisins Bathed In Chocolatedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyPeriodical
    ASL Info:    18/m/pr
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 288/229/264
    Words: 262
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 600
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1733



    Description:
       ...this bud is dank


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRaisins Bathed In Chocolatedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I suck the life from mine
    dry as the summer's day we picked it
    Ripe, it melts
    Carcass dropping to the floor from my mouth.

    You tore me to pieces, but then
    I was different.

    Yonder when,
    I turned my head at the sight of raisins
    and red apples
    because I would only be willing to see
    green.

    The memory of raisins turned me to the crops...
    So tall, they scratch my cheek.

    I'd never have taken a mis-step and fallen
    Would have never sprained my ankles
    or my knees

    Give out.

    It was only then I knew
    the scent of Sunflowers
    Like I knew
    the scent of the sea,
    but I never enjoyed the salt like I did the seeds.

    I've sucked the life dry
    of the marvelous memories I once knew
    because I let it be only when
    I marveled in solitude.

    I've yet to try a raisin
    my last one some years ago
    a decade, I'm sure
    At least, I think so.

    Not a soul may remember me
    from then
    At least, I don't think so.

    Hence, I felt necessary
    a re-introduction to wine;
    White, why?

    She, my liege, was allergic to something
    while he, the siege, was allergic to
    white grape;

    What she used to make it.

    Again with tastes
    Enough with the one-sided input.
    I'm tired of recalling
    of something
    that never happened.

    Again with savoring
    Enough with the lies
    Who made life to
    mock a powerless guise?




    Submitted on 2016-04-04 10:47:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A very interesting read. There is a story here...a tale told that maybe only you know. That being said, what is the story? I'm curious. It all seems random to me...the structure, the words, and even how thoughts flow from section to section. Maybe that's the point?

    So, this isn't really feedback as much as it is asking to know the story. Do tell...

    K
    | Posted on 2016-06-08 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201181

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