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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What are You, My Love?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 521
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1010



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat are You, My Love?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    What hands fashion the fibers of foundation and form
    But yours, Love

    What wisdom has lead with written words and whispers when I have stumbled around wandering like a lost animal
    But You, my Shepard, my Love


    What parental and eternal pardons when I have stupidly stumbled over my own metaphoric feet, provision when I waste the wealth you bestow, neverending
    Filling bags of no bread, with bread


    And now,
    I stand before you,
    Feeling just as ugly
    Underneath the thin veil of matrimony
    You, my love, sweep close to me
    Intimately
    You Romance me
    My heart Loves
    And You the Lover,
    Giver of Gifts
    Dote upon me
    Every Delight
    And Kindness
    Like a most cherished Wife

    I want to.know you this way
    Closer
    Longer
    A part of one another
    Like the pleasure of our lips embraced in a kiss






    Submitted on 2016-04-07 10:24:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't really know how to comment on a piece that seems to be about the romantic relationship between you and God. Or maybe that's just my interpretation. It feels strange. But, I can say that your writing, as always, is beautiful, strange, full of mystery and wonder, and slightly seductive. Example:

    I want to.know you this way
    Closer
    Longer
    A part of one another
    Like the pleasure of our lips embraced in a kiss
    | Posted on 2016-05-07 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      And here it is; the polished revision.
    Ah well, I suppose you wouldn't mind two comments on the same piece, anyway. I like that you were not shy in erasing details that you felt were unnecessary for the final draft, but this feels a little less intimate - a little less loaded with truth and ecstasy.

    This comes off as more romantic, much more repetitive than the pre-write, but that could be a result in the manner in which it's divided.
    | Posted on 2016-04-09 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


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