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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beautiful Disaster (version 2)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kase
    ASL Info:    27, Winnipeg
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 169/398/234
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 839
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 591



    Description:
       I tried to keep this one vague at the beginning to make it not so apparently about a womans path of self and surrounding destruction after heartbreak. But the transition from vague to moral of the story was really sloppy and i was wayy to lazy to work in a better one. Anyways enjoy


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    dotsBeautiful Disaster (version 2)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    On a path of complete destruction,
    Chaos remains with no remedy.
    Orderless dysfunction.
    To a Score of haunting melody.

    An overwhelming eradication;
    A bittersweet kind of sadness.
    Mysterious fascination,
    Of the beauty behind the madness.

    There are no accidents.
    No petty misdemeanours.
    Just heartless acts of cruelty.
    Execute the disbelievers.

    Acquainted to the pain.
    That's leftover in hereafter.
    Her destructive manner entitles her;
    The Beautiful Disaster.




    Submitted on 2016-04-10 13:09:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this.

    I was what you've termed "a beautiful disaster" at one point in my life. This seems to encompass it. I was chaos, and mostly unintended destruction.

    I love the thought of all that devastation being underscored by a haunting melody. I love the pictures that you have painted here. My favorite part:

    An overwhelming eradication;
    A bittersweet kind of sadness.
    Mysterious fascination,
    Of the beauty behind the madness.

    Such a lovely use of words. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2016-05-07 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Reminds me of Miles Hodges - so, I automatically read this in his voice. You've got a nice handling on word play, but try to keep the flow consistent. It switches from tone to tone, like excitement to despair, without a middle-ground to step on in order to get from one place to the next.
    Use a little more intimate detail in your writing; get personal. The piece has a good scheme, but lacks in energy.
    | Posted on 2016-04-10 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


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