Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beautiful Disaster (version 2)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kase
    ASL Info:    27, Winnipeg
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 169/398/234
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 791
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 591



    Description:
       I tried to keep this one vague at the beginning to make it not so apparently about a womans path of self and surrounding destruction after heartbreak. But the transition from vague to moral of the story was really sloppy and i was wayy to lazy to work in a better one. Anyways enjoy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeautiful Disaster (version 2)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    On a path of complete destruction,
    Chaos remains with no remedy.
    Orderless dysfunction.
    To a Score of haunting melody.

    An overwhelming eradication;
    A bittersweet kind of sadness.
    Mysterious fascination,
    Of the beauty behind the madness.

    There are no accidents.
    No petty misdemeanours.
    Just heartless acts of cruelty.
    Execute the disbelievers.

    Acquainted to the pain.
    That's leftover in hereafter.
    Her destructive manner entitles her;
    The Beautiful Disaster.




    Submitted on 2016-04-10 13:09:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this.

    I was what you've termed "a beautiful disaster" at one point in my life. This seems to encompass it. I was chaos, and mostly unintended destruction.

    I love the thought of all that devastation being underscored by a haunting melody. I love the pictures that you have painted here. My favorite part:

    An overwhelming eradication;
    A bittersweet kind of sadness.
    Mysterious fascination,
    Of the beauty behind the madness.

    Such a lovely use of words. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2016-05-07 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Reminds me of Miles Hodges - so, I automatically read this in his voice. You've got a nice handling on word play, but try to keep the flow consistent. It switches from tone to tone, like excitement to despair, without a middle-ground to step on in order to get from one place to the next.
    Use a little more intimate detail in your writing; get personal. The piece has a good scheme, but lacks in energy.
    | Posted on 2016-04-10 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201195

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    A Drink written by jjd
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    ME written by jjd
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    This written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry