Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heartbroken Heartbreakerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kase
    ASL Info:    27, Winnipeg
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 169/398/234
    Words: 407
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 943
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2559



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeartbroken Heartbreakerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    At first you were a stranger.
    With all this emotion comes danger.
    I've always been a heartbreaker.
    But now I'm feeling these things.
    Cause girl I'm feeling vibes that you know you shouldn't bring,
    A pretty young thing with a dangerous swing.
    And I just want to tell you.

    Here's my number baby.
    Don't think I am crazy.
    But you're the type of lady,
    Who has me thinking maybe I...

    Maybe I can make her call.
    We can take the fall.
    Smoke and drink then fuck and maybe go through some withdrawal.
    I can show you things them other boys don't know about at all.
    But I'll never have it all.
    My memories of her will always haunt me when recalled.
    But I guess that's how it goes when my feelings are involved.

    So now tell me your feelings.
    I can help you with healing.
    This might not sound appealing.
    But maybe we can figure out.
    All the bullshit you and I are really all about.
    Go tell your friends about it even if you gotta shout.
    Then you can go and tell em i said.

    Here's my number baby.
    Don't think I am crazy.
    But you're the type of lady,
    Who has me thinking maybe I...

    Maybe I can make her call.
    We can take the fall.
    Smoke and drink then fuck and maybe go through some withdrawal.
    I can show you things them other boys don't know about at all.
    But I'll never have it all.
    My memories of her will always haunt me when recalled.
    But I guess that's how it goes when my feelings are involved.

    We need to get to lovin.
    Cause through all the bullshit baby,
    I still feel a little somethin.
    And if you don't know what to do.
    Close your eyes and touch me,
    We can get lost in our moves.
    Our sex is more than motion because we have nothing to prove.
    But then I start to remember...

    My memories of her will always haunt me when recalled.
    But I guess that's how it goes when my feelings are involved.
    Maybe we can take the fall.
    Smoke and drink then fuck and maybe go through some withdrawal.
    I can show you things them other boys don't know about at all.
    But I'll never have it all.
    No I can never have it all from you.









    Submitted on 2016-04-24 14:36:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      So, I'm thinking this is meant to be a spoken word poem. There are some poems that work well both spoken and written; this one is one that would have been better spoken. There is a lot of hip and a little bit of hop to it and even though there is profanity it does not take away from the meaning of it at all, but perhaps if you want the reader to make their own assumption of the poem maybe have two writes of it...this the spoken and the other meant to be interpreted by the reader.
    | Posted on 2016-05-30 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201227

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Bond written by saartha
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Push written by JanePlane
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Linger written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry