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On Time


Author: Janesaddiction
ASL Info:    48/F/Somewhere on A1A
Elite Ratio:    1.93 - 8 /25 /20
Words: 52
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1736
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 350



Description:




On Time



Cross my heart
Love will never die
All that is between you and I

Cross the track
Our love collides
I'll be waiting on the other side

Cross the t's and dot the i's
Words no longer orphaned
Empty pages now complete,
Arrived by a traveler, my agent of fortune




Submitted on 2016-05-06 14:04:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Like the below person has said I had to read and re-read a few times in order to be able to see the images clearly. TO me at first it sounded like a very tired and dated nursery rhyme, however I think that you can draw more out of it then what has already been written down. For me just like MyPeriodical the last stanza does not really work itself in very well...I feel that you can make it stronger all the way around. Just sit and think what exactly what you want the poem to say and who your audience is and what you want them to see when they read the poem you have written...
| Posted on 2016-05-30 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
  The more times I read it, the more of an image it makes. I can clearly see it now - Waiting love ready for the bounty of being conjoined by the heart yet physically separate by a long-distance relationship.
It plays like a motion-picture in my head, but the saturation is rich, not sepia, not black & white.
The frame's shaky, too, but the reader understands.

I'd just recommend re-reading and revising the third stanza to adjust the flow of the piece's objective.
| Posted on 2016-05-14 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


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