Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: On Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Janesaddiction
    ASL Info:    48/F/Somewhere on A1A
    Elite Ratio:    2.01 - 8/24/16
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 542
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 350



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOn Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Cross my heart
    Love will never die
    All that is between you and I

    Cross the track
    Our love collides
    I'll be waiting on the other side

    Cross the t's and dot the i's
    Words no longer orphaned
    Empty pages now complete,
    Arrived by a traveler, my agent of fortune




    Submitted on 2016-05-06 14:04:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Like the below person has said I had to read and re-read a few times in order to be able to see the images clearly. TO me at first it sounded like a very tired and dated nursery rhyme, however I think that you can draw more out of it then what has already been written down. For me just like MyPeriodical the last stanza does not really work itself in very well...I feel that you can make it stronger all the way around. Just sit and think what exactly what you want the poem to say and who your audience is and what you want them to see when they read the poem you have written...
    | Posted on 2016-05-30 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
      The more times I read it, the more of an image it makes. I can clearly see it now - Waiting love ready for the bounty of being conjoined by the heart yet physically separate by a long-distance relationship.
    It plays like a motion-picture in my head, but the saturation is rich, not sepia, not black & white.
    The frame's shaky, too, but the reader understands.

    I'd just recommend re-reading and revising the third stanza to adjust the flow of the piece's objective.
    | Posted on 2016-05-14 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201250

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry