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    dots Submission Name: Dexterdots

    Author: ilovepuppies
    Elite Ratio:    1.66 - 4/2/2
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 823
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 370

       this is about one of my puppies, I'm trying to describe him in a cute way

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Hi! My name is Dexter, and I'm a little sweetheart,
    mama says I'm a handsome little devil, and smart!
    I've learned all sorts of tricks, like sit, stay, and fetch.
    When mama gives me kisses I just yawn and stretch,
    but I'm the alpha dog here and I rule this roost.
    Its been that way since I was introduced!

    Submitted on 2016-05-11 22:57:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It's difficult to create an endearing perspective in the first person without it being implicit. Human beings have a knack for enjoying the truth backwards, or at least, sideways. It's like if I told you how god damn attractive I was without having been set up by social constraints, another person, or circumstances. It's just vain. But if I can't help it because of the aforementioned, then it becomes oddly endearing (and eye-opening). I don't think you quite achieve the whole endearing first person perspective here.

    The riming is cute, but roost is very out of place as far as word choice goes.

    Obviously you shouldn't take this straight line of criticism poorly. If I didn't like and/or respect this poem on some level I wouldn't have left a comment altogether. Welcome to ES!

    | Posted on 2016-05-12 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]

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