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    dots Submission Name: Sway-backdots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 35
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 586
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 222


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    We’ve toed our way along the edge
    swaying this way and that, stretched
    long enough to fall back in and out --
    a sea-legged creature
    drunk on your departure

    Submitted on 2016-05-13 10:15:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the elements at work here- there's like an evolution/de-evolution / corrugated / un-steadied
    continuum which i think is just excellent
    (all the tension in the poem)

    'We’ve toed our way along the edge
    swaying this way and that'

    Taking into account the title, the way, sway, away,
    (and that)

    for me this swaying away section represents a flat patch
    in a gargantuan topography,

    work on changing it may improve your pitch.

    The poem, flooded with excellence.

    | Posted on 2016-05-23 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the potential this carries. It's interesting that even after reading it through three times, I am unsure how the speaker truly feels about this departure. In most cases, this could be an issue with the poem not containing enough feeling, but it's different here.

    It feels to me like when you've been in a relationship a long time and are left with no illusions. That last bit of a failed relationship really can feel like walking along an edge, knowing its fate but not wanting to admit it. This can take a couple around some weird and awkward contours, especially if both are being kind, but have simply found themselves incompatible. There is no stormy end, no abrupt change, just a slow growing apart, so that when one leaves it is not heartbreaking, but disorienting; maybe a poignant blend of wistfulness and relief.

    | Posted on 2016-05-19 00:00:00 | by BlankSheet | [ Reply to This ]

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