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Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 139 /260 /173
Words: 35
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1556
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 227



We’ve toed our way along the edge
swaying this way and that, stretched
long enough to fall back in and out --
a sea-legged creature
drunk on your departure

Submitted on 2016-05-13 10:15:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I like the elements at work here- there's like an evolution/de-evolution / corrugated / un-steadied
continuum which i think is just excellent
(all the tension in the poem)

'We’ve toed our way along the edge
swaying this way and that'

Taking into account the title, the way, sway, away,
(and that)

for me this swaying away section represents a flat patch
in a gargantuan topography,

work on changing it may improve your pitch.

The poem, flooded with excellence.

| Posted on 2016-05-23 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the potential this carries. It's interesting that even after reading it through three times, I am unsure how the speaker truly feels about this departure. In most cases, this could be an issue with the poem not containing enough feeling, but it's different here.

It feels to me like when you've been in a relationship a long time and are left with no illusions. That last bit of a failed relationship really can feel like walking along an edge, knowing its fate but not wanting to admit it. This can take a couple around some weird and awkward contours, especially if both are being kind, but have simply found themselves incompatible. There is no stormy end, no abrupt change, just a slow growing apart, so that when one leaves it is not heartbreaking, but disorienting; maybe a poignant blend of wistfulness and relief.

| Posted on 2016-05-19 00:00:00 | by BlankSheet | [ Reply to This ]

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