Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sway-backdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 137/243/158
    Words: 35
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 649
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 222



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSway-backdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We’ve toed our way along the edge
    swaying this way and that, stretched
    long enough to fall back in and out --
    a sea-legged creature
    I
    stumbled,
    drunk on your departure




    Submitted on 2016-05-13 10:15:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the elements at work here- there's like an evolution/de-evolution / corrugated / un-steadied
    continuum which i think is just excellent
    (all the tension in the poem)

    'We’ve toed our way along the edge
    swaying this way and that'

    Taking into account the title, the way, sway, away,
    (and that)

    for me this swaying away section represents a flat patch
    in a gargantuan topography,

    work on changing it may improve your pitch.

    The poem, flooded with excellence.

    | Posted on 2016-05-23 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the potential this carries. It's interesting that even after reading it through three times, I am unsure how the speaker truly feels about this departure. In most cases, this could be an issue with the poem not containing enough feeling, but it's different here.

    It feels to me like when you've been in a relationship a long time and are left with no illusions. That last bit of a failed relationship really can feel like walking along an edge, knowing its fate but not wanting to admit it. This can take a couple around some weird and awkward contours, especially if both are being kind, but have simply found themselves incompatible. There is no stormy end, no abrupt change, just a slow growing apart, so that when one leaves it is not heartbreaking, but disorienting; maybe a poignant blend of wistfulness and relief.

    | Posted on 2016-05-19 00:00:00 | by BlankSheet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201276

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Incubus written by monad
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Push written by JanePlane
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry