Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sway-backdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 35
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 529
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 222



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSway-backdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We’ve toed our way along the edge
    swaying this way and that, stretched
    long enough to fall back in and out --
    a sea-legged creature
    I
    stumbled,
    drunk on your departure




    Submitted on 2016-05-13 10:15:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the elements at work here- there's like an evolution/de-evolution / corrugated / un-steadied
    continuum which i think is just excellent
    (all the tension in the poem)

    'We’ve toed our way along the edge
    swaying this way and that'

    Taking into account the title, the way, sway, away,
    (and that)

    for me this swaying away section represents a flat patch
    in a gargantuan topography,

    work on changing it may improve your pitch.

    The poem, flooded with excellence.

    | Posted on 2016-05-23 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the potential this carries. It's interesting that even after reading it through three times, I am unsure how the speaker truly feels about this departure. In most cases, this could be an issue with the poem not containing enough feeling, but it's different here.

    It feels to me like when you've been in a relationship a long time and are left with no illusions. That last bit of a failed relationship really can feel like walking along an edge, knowing its fate but not wanting to admit it. This can take a couple around some weird and awkward contours, especially if both are being kind, but have simply found themselves incompatible. There is no stormy end, no abrupt change, just a slow growing apart, so that when one leaves it is not heartbreaking, but disorienting; maybe a poignant blend of wistfulness and relief.

    | Posted on 2016-05-19 00:00:00 | by BlankSheet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201276

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Cover written by saartha
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry