Weâ€™ve toed our way along the edge
swaying this way and that, stretched
long enough to fall back in and out --
a sea-legged creature
drunk on your departure
| I like the elements at work here- there's like an evolution/de-evolution / corrugated / un-steadied |
continuum which i think is just excellent
(all the tension in the poem)
'Weâ€™ve toed our way along the edge
swaying this way and that'
Taking into account the title, the way, sway, away,
for me this swaying away section represents a flat patch
in a gargantuan topography,
work on changing it may improve your pitch.
The poem, flooded with excellence.
|| Posted on 2016-05-23 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ] || I like the potential this carries. It's interesting that even after reading it through three times, I am unsure how the speaker truly feels about this departure. In most cases, this could be an issue with the poem not containing enough feeling, but it's different here.|
It feels to me like when you've been in a relationship a long time and are left with no illusions. That last bit of a failed relationship really can feel like walking along an edge, knowing its fate but not wanting to admit it. This can take a couple around some weird and awkward contours, especially if both are being kind, but have simply found themselves incompatible. There is no stormy end, no abrupt change, just a slow growing apart, so that when one leaves it is not heartbreaking, but disorienting; maybe a poignant blend of wistfulness and relief.
|| Posted on 2016-05-19 00:00:00 | by BlankSheet | [ Reply to This ] |