[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Carbon Copydots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 137/245/159
    Words: 41
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1227
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 283


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCarbon Copydots

    Honestly, if I could repeat all the steps
    count each one under my breath
    clown about and shed crocodile tears
    into the dustbin,
    I most certainly would --
    like the wrong-sided carbon copy
    -of you leaving-
    I kept writing against myself.

    Submitted on 2016-05-25 11:52:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Yulia,

    I think the first five lines are replaceable, to me they're not personal enough, so that at the end of the poem (which is delicate -as well as being loaded) there's not much of a contrast. IT seems sterile and unimaginative, whereas the last three lines are anything but.

    What I take from the last three lines, primarily, is the abrupt.

    I know that's terrible English, but the abrupt without even the common decency to add on a ness
    why, that about some it up.

    You could hate somebody for that. You could hate yourself for that. Talking away, talking away, and the bastard has left the room.

    Secondarily, I think if you're left writing on the wrong side of a carbon copy, what you're actually doing is making a mess.

    Those two things sum that shit up superbly, superbly in the sense that there's super subtlety in how you've
    tans/ported the meaning.

    Imo, it's a poem you'd read again and again, elusive craft. I don't think it's finished though. That's cool. Got plenty of those myself -and as long as keep hold of the key ingredients there will always be a time to go back and make it work.

    You're an intelligent and artful person
    and it's opportunity to be
    able to come and read your work.

    Your work is always full of opportunity.
    | Posted on 2017-02-15 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I only got a taste of what you mean by the third to fourth line, and personally I wish you'd revolve more around that. I get this sense of guiltless shame, but I'm afraid that I've misunderstood. There's nothing to grasp here, it's all a guess. What is it that you're holding? What is it that you're trying to say? Or maybe I'm just looking for answers to the wrong questions, correct me if you will.
    | Posted on 2016-06-03 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    This written by Chelebel
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]