Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: His Handsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Janesaddiction
    ASL Info:    48/F/Somewhere on A1A
    Elite Ratio:    2.01 - 8/24/16
    Words: 197
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1035
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1219



    Description:
       In memory of my father on his birthday. I miss you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHis Handsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The gift of life was given me,
    but on no ordinary day,
    Fitting perfectly in the palm of his hand,
    he always used to say

    A man, larger than life
    who held me with such care
    With hands so strong, yet gentle
    knowing he’d always be there

    Hands that kept me entertained
    as I grew, year by year
    My wonder at the secret trick
    when a coin appeared, from behind my ear

    Those sick days when my ear would hurt
    his warm hands would stop the ache
    Simply no one else would do
    cause that’s a magic you just can’t fake

    Hands that clearly sent a message
    when a boy came ‘round to date
    His handshake told of consequences
    if I was even a minute late

    Hands that applauded my accomplishments
    and folded when I needed prayer
    I knew those hands would comfort me
    were I ever in despair.

    And in that comfort, I was held, until we said goodbye
    solace in the notion that beside him again I will stand
    For passage to the other side is His promise of our journey
    together, hand in hand.





    Submitted on 2016-05-30 01:38:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice, indeed.
    | Posted on 2016-06-11 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Hands that applauded my accomplishments
    and folded when I needed prayer

    Yes. You were blessed to have this. I don't know how to critique the emotion that comes from such a deep loss.

    Thank you for sharing this.
    | Posted on 2016-06-10 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the ending and the way the poem spoke of fond memories. I think the only thing that I would probably work on here is rhyme scheme. I actually hate rhyming poetry, so I think to an extent it did get its point across, but I think that you could have dug a little deeper. Your first stanza and your last stanzas were the strongest. Just keep these type of emotions up front; the rawness of them is to be applauded.
    | Posted on 2016-05-30 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201304

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Linger written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Bond written by saartha
    Wavelength written by saartha
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry