Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: His Handsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Janesaddiction
    ASL Info:    48/F/Somewhere on A1A
    Elite Ratio:    2.01 - 8/24/16
    Words: 197
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 721
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1219



    Description:
       In memory of my father on his birthday. I miss you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHis Handsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The gift of life was given me,
    but on no ordinary day,
    Fitting perfectly in the palm of his hand,
    he always used to say

    A man, larger than life
    who held me with such care
    With hands so strong, yet gentle
    knowing he’d always be there

    Hands that kept me entertained
    as I grew, year by year
    My wonder at the secret trick
    when a coin appeared, from behind my ear

    Those sick days when my ear would hurt
    his warm hands would stop the ache
    Simply no one else would do
    cause that’s a magic you just can’t fake

    Hands that clearly sent a message
    when a boy came ‘round to date
    His handshake told of consequences
    if I was even a minute late

    Hands that applauded my accomplishments
    and folded when I needed prayer
    I knew those hands would comfort me
    were I ever in despair.

    And in that comfort, I was held, until we said goodbye
    solace in the notion that beside him again I will stand
    For passage to the other side is His promise of our journey
    together, hand in hand.





    Submitted on 2016-05-30 01:38:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice, indeed.
    | Posted on 2016-06-11 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Hands that applauded my accomplishments
    and folded when I needed prayer

    Yes. You were blessed to have this. I don't know how to critique the emotion that comes from such a deep loss.

    Thank you for sharing this.
    | Posted on 2016-06-10 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the ending and the way the poem spoke of fond memories. I think the only thing that I would probably work on here is rhyme scheme. I actually hate rhyming poetry, so I think to an extent it did get its point across, but I think that you could have dug a little deeper. Your first stanza and your last stanzas were the strongest. Just keep these type of emotions up front; the rawness of them is to be applauded.
    | Posted on 2016-05-30 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201304

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry