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    dots Submission Name: In Lovedots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 25
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 755
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 177


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    dotsIn Lovedots

    We worship one another,
    Delicate praises on our lips
    Subtle sweetness mixed with morning breath
    As music pours from the swiftness beneath the sheets

    Submitted on 2016-06-02 13:40:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this lori, like i questioned the addition of morning breath and pours because of you replace the p in pours with an s you get....

    Well, that made me wonder whether you could show us morning rather than name morning but actually i feel wretched and mean spirited mentioning those nitpicks when the first two lines are sublime and
    there's all the sibilance from those s'es

    I thought it was white (approaching pure) and sweet.
    | Posted on 2016-06-07 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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