[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Expending Exesdots

    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    44/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 2626/1259/187
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 578
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 909


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExpending Exesdots

    I exhale sadness through constricted pores
    until my eyes are bleeding with its extraction.
    Surely this burlap, worn and torn as it is,
    will exfoliate dead cells from my heart.
    I need to breathe again.

    Each memory, extracted and exhumed,
    strewn across the floor like dried, bitter
    leaves and petals expelled by careless hand.
    Now, if they would only crumble to dust
    to dance as crystalline motes in the dawn.
    Perhaps, some beauty could exist from the excrement.

    Why must time ooze and trickle streaks of despair?
    On my knees, I await expiation;
    This room my solace and prison
    no one will venture into these walls--
    handmade, yet I find no warmth here.
    Only the expectation that fickle time holds
    the power to expunge shattered hopes and
    crumbling dreams of the ex.

    Submitted on 2016-06-09 15:08:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      There's so much sadness in this. The first part reminds me of a haiku I want to write but it's not finished yet, I'm not that happy with it:

    a river flowing
    over a shattered rock
    time glows on her skin

    Anyways I like your poem, the only part I'm not sure about is the last line. I think you should replace the ex with him or something else, it just doesn't sound right to me.
    | Posted on 2016-10-21 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      "Now, if they would only crumble to dust
    to dance as crystalline motes in the dawn.
    Perhaps, some beauty could exist from the excrement."

    That section on the piece really reached out and grabbed me. I have felt this way many times, but never expressed it so exquisitely. I love the pacing of this work, I had to reread it out loud a few times because of how well put together it is.

    Thank you for sharing this with us.
    | Posted on 2016-06-19 00:00:00 | by Phall | [ Reply to This ]
      I thinkface it's weird how you fall for someone, trying to see in them good and attractive qualities, and yet these things for me at least never remain in the memory of them. Like I have tried to see them objectively even.and yet as your metaphor of burlap suggests, at best there is a vague roughness to the memory.

    Very good exploration and insight.
    Thanks for provoking thoughts.
    I appreciate your work.
    | Posted on 2016-06-10 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cage written by distortedcloud
    This written by Chelebel
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To written by SavedDragon
    Bond written by saartha
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Linger written by saartha
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    ME written by jjd
    Giving written by jjd
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Incubus written by monad




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]