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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Expending Exesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    44/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 2626/1259/187
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 578
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 909



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExpending Exesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I exhale sadness through constricted pores
    until my eyes are bleeding with its extraction.
    Surely this burlap, worn and torn as it is,
    will exfoliate dead cells from my heart.
    I need to breathe again.

    Each memory, extracted and exhumed,
    strewn across the floor like dried, bitter
    leaves and petals expelled by careless hand.
    Now, if they would only crumble to dust
    to dance as crystalline motes in the dawn.
    Perhaps, some beauty could exist from the excrement.

    Why must time ooze and trickle streaks of despair?
    On my knees, I await expiation;
    This room my solace and prison
    no one will venture into these walls--
    handmade, yet I find no warmth here.
    Only the expectation that fickle time holds
    the power to expunge shattered hopes and
    crumbling dreams of the ex.




    Submitted on 2016-06-09 15:08:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There's so much sadness in this. The first part reminds me of a haiku I want to write but it's not finished yet, I'm not that happy with it:

    a river flowing
    over a shattered rock
    time glows on her skin

    Anyways I like your poem, the only part I'm not sure about is the last line. I think you should replace the ex with him or something else, it just doesn't sound right to me.
    | Posted on 2016-10-21 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      "Now, if they would only crumble to dust
    to dance as crystalline motes in the dawn.
    Perhaps, some beauty could exist from the excrement."

    That section on the piece really reached out and grabbed me. I have felt this way many times, but never expressed it so exquisitely. I love the pacing of this work, I had to reread it out loud a few times because of how well put together it is.

    Thank you for sharing this with us.
    | Posted on 2016-06-19 00:00:00 | by Phall | [ Reply to This ]
      I thinkface it's weird how you fall for someone, trying to see in them good and attractive qualities, and yet these things for me at least never remain in the memory of them. Like I have tried to see them objectively even.and yet as your metaphor of burlap suggests, at best there is a vague roughness to the memory.


    Very good exploration and insight.
    Thanks for provoking thoughts.
    I appreciate your work.
    | Posted on 2016-06-10 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


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