Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lensdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 230/384/131
    Words: 197
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 814
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1307



    Description:
       Not a serious poem, just playing around.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLensdots
    -------------------------------------------


    No, this isn't poetry
    that goes for blood.

    In this poem,
    there is a man
    with you in the room.
    Two chairs
    and a gun on the table.

    You are both
    staring at the gun.
    Neither of you are killers
    probably

    but it would be easy to kill,
    and you are thinking about it.
    The man is also
    no doubt thinking.

    How long to wait? You have already
    murdered in your heart.
    You have already thought
    him dead a hundred times,
    he has already killed you.

    The gun goes off,
    apropos of nothing.
    In the corner, a cockroach
    splatters apart.

    If he were human the cockroach
    was Brad Pitt, a fine example
    of roachkind. In this poem,
    he was always
    the main character.
    He is thinking of his
    thousand children.
    What remains of his eyes
    glaze over.

    The side characters sweat it out
    and circle each other
    but the story is already over.

    You waited too long,
    it now no longer matters
    if you kill him again.
    The cameras are off.

    The gun is on the table.
    Do whatever you want.




    Submitted on 2016-06-18 19:28:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this idea, although I don't really know what it is you're pushing here. Death, or rather a fear of it, is generally what will paralyze most animals into a frothy kind of mental delirium. But we, humans, shudder and shake at the idea of killing; of giving death, instead of being hunted by it. There's a certain dilemma in that: are we weak because of spurious considerations bound to our minds (and thereby having no impact on the world de facto), or are we brilliantly progressing into a more complex consideration and understanding of the world around us?

    I must admit, however, that your metamorphosis in this poem felt a bit shallow. Like it was missing something, some kind of key. But as you say, do whatever you want.
    | Posted on 2016-07-21 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201338

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    AI written by poetotoe
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Fasade written by jackz
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Cover written by saartha
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry