Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lost Starsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Janesaddiction
    ASL Info:    48/F/Somewhere on A1A
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 8/24/18
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1051
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 955



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost Starsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Accustomed to loneliness
    Devoid of the pain
    Living in your vacuum
    No longer placing blame

    Longing to find my truth
    Why can't there be a reason
    For the ache that fills my heart
    Through each and every season

    Two lost souls trying to make it right
    If only our hearts could synchronize their beat
    Two lost stars colliding in the night
    If ever our eyes were to finally meet

    You looked for me before
    Uncertain if I did exist
    Always incomplete was the puzzle
    Hoping to find the piece you missed

    I dreamed of you so often
    In the back of my mind, I knew
    My search would surely find its end
    Cause my love for you is true

    Two stars collided in the night
    Now nothing will pull us apart
    Igniting a spark to shine so bright
    You and I, forever in each others heart




    Submitted on 2016-06-20 12:23:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like where this goes and the feel of it but I think it could do more by having less. Many words are unnecessary and actually kind of stall the feeling. I'm talking of words such as "the" "your" "my" "a" "that" "and" and so on. Take a little poetic license, it's more about how it feels than whether it is complete. Give the reader some credit that they can fill in some things.

    At the same time, for me it helps to keep a consistent rhythm unless a shift is evident. Same for rhyme.

    Stars and love naturally go together so there is innate strength here. Solid start but could use a little massaging.

    Lloyd
    | Posted on 2016-07-17 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      very very good

    A accustomed alone
    I'm devoid of the pain
    Living in your vacuum
    No longer placing blame.

    Longing to find our truths
    Why can't there be a reason
    For holes that fills our hearts
    Through too and every season.

    Two lost souls who make it right
    our hearts too synchronize the beat
    Two lost stars colliding in this night
    If ever our eyes were to finally meet.

    You looked for me before I was born
    Uncertain if you did exist and create
    Always incomplete was the puzzle
    Hope to find the piece you miss.

    I do dream of you so, so often
    Thee back of my mind, I knew
    My search would surely its end
    Because my love for you is true.

    Stars that collided in the night
    Know nothing will pull us apart
    Igniting a spark to shine so bright
    You and I stars shine in each heart.
    | Posted on 2016-06-24 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201341

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ... written by Daniel Barlow
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry