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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lost Starsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Janesaddiction
    ASL Info:    48/F/Somewhere on A1A
    Elite Ratio:    2.01 - 8/24/16
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 960
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 955



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost Starsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Accustomed to loneliness
    Devoid of the pain
    Living in your vacuum
    No longer placing blame

    Longing to find my truth
    Why can't there be a reason
    For the ache that fills my heart
    Through each and every season

    Two lost souls trying to make it right
    If only our hearts could synchronize their beat
    Two lost stars colliding in the night
    If ever our eyes were to finally meet

    You looked for me before
    Uncertain if I did exist
    Always incomplete was the puzzle
    Hoping to find the piece you missed

    I dreamed of you so often
    In the back of my mind, I knew
    My search would surely find its end
    Cause my love for you is true

    Two stars collided in the night
    Now nothing will pull us apart
    Igniting a spark to shine so bright
    You and I, forever in each others heart




    Submitted on 2016-06-20 12:23:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like where this goes and the feel of it but I think it could do more by having less. Many words are unnecessary and actually kind of stall the feeling. I'm talking of words such as "the" "your" "my" "a" "that" "and" and so on. Take a little poetic license, it's more about how it feels than whether it is complete. Give the reader some credit that they can fill in some things.

    At the same time, for me it helps to keep a consistent rhythm unless a shift is evident. Same for rhyme.

    Stars and love naturally go together so there is innate strength here. Solid start but could use a little massaging.

    Lloyd
    | Posted on 2016-07-17 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      very very good

    A accustomed alone
    I'm devoid of the pain
    Living in your vacuum
    No longer placing blame.

    Longing to find our truths
    Why can't there be a reason
    For holes that fills our hearts
    Through too and every season.

    Two lost souls who make it right
    our hearts too synchronize the beat
    Two lost stars colliding in this night
    If ever our eyes were to finally meet.

    You looked for me before I was born
    Uncertain if you did exist and create
    Always incomplete was the puzzle
    Hope to find the piece you miss.

    I do dream of you so, so often
    Thee back of my mind, I knew
    My search would surely its end
    Because my love for you is true.

    Stars that collided in the night
    Know nothing will pull us apart
    Igniting a spark to shine so bright
    You and I stars shine in each heart.
    | Posted on 2016-06-24 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]


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