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Lost Stars


Author: Janesaddiction
ASL Info:    48/F/Somewhere on A1A
Elite Ratio:    1.93 - 8 /25 /20
Words: 151
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1884
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 955



Description:




Lost Stars



Accustomed to loneliness
Devoid of the pain
Living in your vacuum
No longer placing blame

Longing to find my truth
Why can't there be a reason
For the ache that fills my heart
Through each and every season

Two lost souls trying to make it right
If only our hearts could synchronize their beat
Two lost stars colliding in the night
If ever our eyes were to finally meet

You looked for me before
Uncertain if I did exist
Always incomplete was the puzzle
Hoping to find the piece you missed

I dreamed of you so often
In the back of my mind, I knew
My search would surely find its end
Cause my love for you is true

Two stars collided in the night
Now nothing will pull us apart
Igniting a spark to shine so bright
You and I, forever in each others heart




Submitted on 2016-06-20 12:23:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I like where this goes and the feel of it but I think it could do more by having less. Many words are unnecessary and actually kind of stall the feeling. I'm talking of words such as "the" "your" "my" "a" "that" "and" and so on. Take a little poetic license, it's more about how it feels than whether it is complete. Give the reader some credit that they can fill in some things.

At the same time, for me it helps to keep a consistent rhythm unless a shift is evident. Same for rhyme.

Stars and love naturally go together so there is innate strength here. Solid start but could use a little massaging.

Lloyd
| Posted on 2016-07-17 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  very very good

A accustomed alone
I'm devoid of the pain
Living in your vacuum
No longer placing blame.

Longing to find our truths
Why can't there be a reason
For holes that fills our hearts
Through too and every season.

Two lost souls who make it right
our hearts too synchronize the beat
Two lost stars colliding in this night
If ever our eyes were to finally meet.

You looked for me before I was born
Uncertain if you did exist and create
Always incomplete was the puzzle
Hope to find the piece you miss.

I do dream of you so, so often
Thee back of my mind, I knew
My search would surely its end
Because my love for you is true.

Stars that collided in the night
Know nothing will pull us apart
Igniting a spark to shine so bright
You and I stars shine in each heart.
| Posted on 2016-06-24 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]


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