I like where this goes and the feel of it but I think it could do more by having less. Many words are unnecessary and actually kind of stall the feeling. I'm talking of words such as "the" "your" "my" "a" "that" "and" and so on. Take a little poetic license, it's more about how it feels than whether it is complete. Give the reader some credit that they can fill in some things.
At the same time, for me it helps to keep a consistent rhythm unless a shift is evident. Same for rhyme.
Stars and love naturally go together so there is innate strength here. Solid start but could use a little massaging.