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u bahn


Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 139 /260 /173
Words: 52
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1738
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 353



Description:




u bahn



I see your face again
against these millions
of black faces, stretched out
a canvas left to dry --
would I --
its lines and guidelines
I have not, knew not
how to make my own,
nor would I --
sudden stabbing pain receeding,
this faulty circuit:
It's not you, it's me.




Submitted on 2016-06-30 14:39:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I like that writing has definite tenses where it's appropriate to line things up, dot your i's and cross your t's but life is very much different.


you can cut and paste life ______ or that's what seems to happen____ so that you have all these pasts or inactives affecting the present.



....

i get the sense you're in your head. with the writing. kind of tormented. Or the relationship might be there but then it gets dated because it's thought about, maybe that's the point. the writer, projector has put so much thought into it and the person/ projection point


is missing it really, missing in action so there's definite angst and i don't envy you that but there's definitely some powerful hinge work going on in your poetry.

I hope that doesn't come across as a bunch of gobbledygook, rather as feedback from somebody who gets it.

| Posted on 2016-07-03 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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