Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: u bahndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 136/243/154
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 621
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 353



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsu bahndots
    -------------------------------------------


    I see your face again
    against these millions
    of black faces, stretched out
    a canvas left to dry --
    would I --
    its lines and guidelines
    I have not, knew not
    how to make my own,
    nor would I --
    sudden stabbing pain receeding,
    this faulty circuit:
    It's not you, it's me.




    Submitted on 2016-06-30 14:39:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like that writing has definite tenses where it's appropriate to line things up, dot your i's and cross your t's but life is very much different.


    you can cut and paste life ______ or that's what seems to happen____ so that you have all these pasts or inactives affecting the present.



    ....

    i get the sense you're in your head. with the writing. kind of tormented. Or the relationship might be there but then it gets dated because it's thought about, maybe that's the point. the writer, projector has put so much thought into it and the person/ projection point


    is missing it really, missing in action so there's definite angst and i don't envy you that but there's definitely some powerful hinge work going on in your poetry.

    I hope that doesn't come across as a bunch of gobbledygook, rather as feedback from somebody who gets it.

    | Posted on 2016-07-03 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201374

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry