Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: u bahndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 689
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 353



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsu bahndots
    -------------------------------------------


    I see your face again
    against these millions
    of black faces, stretched out
    a canvas left to dry --
    would I --
    its lines and guidelines
    I have not, knew not
    how to make my own,
    nor would I --
    sudden stabbing pain receeding,
    this faulty circuit:
    It's not you, it's me.




    Submitted on 2016-06-30 14:39:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like that writing has definite tenses where it's appropriate to line things up, dot your i's and cross your t's but life is very much different.


    you can cut and paste life ______ or that's what seems to happen____ so that you have all these pasts or inactives affecting the present.



    ....

    i get the sense you're in your head. with the writing. kind of tormented. Or the relationship might be there but then it gets dated because it's thought about, maybe that's the point. the writer, projector has put so much thought into it and the person/ projection point


    is missing it really, missing in action so there's definite angst and i don't envy you that but there's definitely some powerful hinge work going on in your poetry.

    I hope that doesn't come across as a bunch of gobbledygook, rather as feedback from somebody who gets it.

    | Posted on 2016-07-03 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201374

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    prison written by ShyOne
    The World written by jjd
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Etiquette written by saartha
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry