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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: u bahndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 353



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsu bahndots
    -------------------------------------------


    I see your face again
    against these millions
    of black faces, stretched out
    a canvas left to dry --
    would I --
    its lines and guidelines
    I have not, knew not
    how to make my own,
    nor would I --
    sudden stabbing pain receeding,
    this faulty circuit:
    It's not you, it's me.




    Submitted on 2016-06-30 14:39:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like that writing has definite tenses where it's appropriate to line things up, dot your i's and cross your t's but life is very much different.


    you can cut and paste life ______ or that's what seems to happen____ so that you have all these pasts or inactives affecting the present.



    ....

    i get the sense you're in your head. with the writing. kind of tormented. Or the relationship might be there but then it gets dated because it's thought about, maybe that's the point. the writer, projector has put so much thought into it and the person/ projection point


    is missing it really, missing in action so there's definite angst and i don't envy you that but there's definitely some powerful hinge work going on in your poetry.

    I hope that doesn't come across as a bunch of gobbledygook, rather as feedback from somebody who gets it.

    | Posted on 2016-07-03 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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