[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Bag lunchdots

    Author: Janesaddiction
    ASL Info:    48/F/Somewhere on A1A
    Elite Ratio:    1.94 - 8/25/19
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1581
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1128


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBag lunchdots

    Morning, signified by the streak
    of sunlight across his squinting eye.
    Wishing, looking up with disdain,
    for the return of the night sky.

    Alone, but for the gleam, he speaks
    with no one to listen, no one to hear.
    He wonders aloud…
    would anyone notice should I disappear?

    Trained ears hear the distant sound
    as church bells begin to chime,
    reminding his empty being
    that soon it will be time.

    The familiar, pleasant voice
    greets him at the door.
    Still, the shame is unavoidable
    as his eyes focus on the floor.

    The brown bag makes a crinkling sound
    firm within his grip.
    Gingerly he peers inside,
    knowing it was worth the trip.

    Digging past prepackaged food
    given for his nourishment
    he finds the slip with written word
    offered for his encouragement.

    Drinking in the words of love,
    inhaling them like fresh air.
    This was just the sustenance he needed,
    a friendly voice and a prayer.

    Submitted on 2016-07-08 14:14:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey, I liked it. Some poems do not require "fire", but do just fine with comfort.

    | Posted on 2016-07-17 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      A boring life and a boring poem, no fire, no passion, sad.
    | Posted on 2016-07-11 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      There are times that that I feel like the "he" in your poem. As a bachelor, the only voice I sometimes hear is my own...sometimes cursing, sometimes thanking...you get the idea. Sometimes, the days are rougher than usual. Things seem to pile up - as they do from time to time. And then, for no reason, something happens that helps put things in perspective. Like antacid to an unsettled stomach (poor use of a simile)...and soon the dissonance subsides.

    The note in the lunch bag was just what "he" needed to put things in place for him...to settle him. While the food was necessary...the words satisfied a much greater need. Whoever she is...I envy him for her knowing what he needed.

    Thank you for sharing,

    | Posted on 2016-07-09 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]