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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: So Shore dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Chelebel
    Elite Ratio:    2.07 - 48/165/170
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 540
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1217



    Description:
       A simple expression to salute the sea. Cheers! Clingy clang.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Shore dots
    -------------------------------------------


    And the summer sky shall shine
    full strawberry moon rising above
    the darkened sea of salt
    that commands our needs.




    The deposits of calcium
    upon the floor being tossed about
    As the waves continue to roar.




    The tides decide to rise while changing
    Lives; of the sands night impressions
    left by visitors galore.



    🐚🐢🐊🐠🐡🐟🐙🐌🌌🌊🌅



    And the summer sky shall shine
    full strawberry moon rising above
    the darkened sea of salt
    that commands our needs.




    The deposits of calcium
    upon the floor being tossed about
    As the waves continue to roar.




    The tides decide to Ebb and flow
    Tumbling about the lives who live below
    the sands night impressions
    left by visitors galore
    The castles left uninhibited
    The towers giving way
    To the constant push and pull.















    Submitted on 2016-07-25 00:45:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think the title is well employed here, it gives it a sense of faith and or duality before you even open up the work.

    The first line and even the storming hectic scene seem a bit biblical and i like that. I think that sets the poem in motion. I particularly liked the use of internal rhyme. I think that is a motion strength throughout the poem as with that content and that rhyme you really get the sense of being shifted around.

    I liked that when i read this poem i was shifting things around a bit, nipping and tucking, when i do that reading somebody else's work it's because i am invigorated by the work.

    For me there's too much of a coagulation of near rhyme in the last strophe which takes me away from that choppiness you had going which i loved.

    Also: you can do fish signs and stuff, i dunno how to do that, as an addition/aesthetic, i thought it was cool.
    | Posted on 2016-07-25 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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