Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Breaking Freedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Janesaddiction
    ASL Info:    48/F/Somewhere on A1A
    Elite Ratio:    2.01 - 8/24/16
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 855
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 452



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBreaking Freedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Earth as my bed and darkness my blanket
    fixed on his voice
    like metal to magnet

    Perfection envelops my being
    drowning with comfort, yet
    never long enough, always fleeting

    Stars tell a new story
    a road map in the sky
    to escape this purgatory

    Light breaks free and begins to dim
    eyes closed, my wish to be
    once again in the arms of him





    Submitted on 2016-08-10 14:05:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi there! This is a lovely piece, and something not enough of us contemplate on, in my humble opinion (of course).

    There are a lot of ways to take what you have written - and maybe that is the intent of your poem. Or maybe, that's just me - it's early yet (and I haven't had my coffee). In any case, the poem made me think, a good thing.

    I did see one thing that you might want to change - totally your call: envelopes to envelops? I was thinking that "envelopes" is plural for those things that you use with a letter - whereas "envelops" is to surround? Perfection envelops - rather the Perfection envelopes? I could be wrong - again, it's early yet ;)

    Thank you for sharing!

    Take care,

    K
    | Posted on 2016-08-14 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201430

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Carry written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Fasade written by jackz
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    The Azores written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Etiquette written by saartha
    AI written by poetotoe
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cover written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Push written by JanePlane
    the living moment written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry