Breaking Free by Janesaddiction

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Breaking Free dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Janesaddiction
ASL Info:	48/F/Somewhere on A1A
Elite Ratio:	1.98 - 8/24/18
Words:	71

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	1037
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	452

Description:

Breaking Free dots

-------------------------------------------

Earth as my bed and darkness my blanket
fixed on his voice
like metal to magnet

Perfection envelops my being
drowning with comfort, yet
never long enough, always fleeting

Stars tell a new story
a road map in the sky
to escape this purgatory

Light breaks free and begins to dim
eyes closed, my wish to be
once again in the arms of him

Submitted on 2016-08-10 14:05:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Hi there! This is a lovely piece, and something not enough of us contemplate on, in my humble opinion (of course).

There are a lot of ways to take what you have written - and maybe that is the intent of your poem. Or maybe, that's just me - it's early yet (and I haven't had my coffee). In any case, the poem made me think, a good thing.

I did see one thing that you might want to change - totally your call: envelopes to envelops? I was thinking that "envelopes" is plural for those things that you use with a letter - whereas "envelops" is to surround? Perfection envelops - rather the Perfection envelopes? I could be wrong - again, it's early yet ;)

Thank you for sharing!

Take care,

K
| Posted on 2016-08-14 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

201430

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
In the end written by Janesaddiction
Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
Wasps written by Wolfwatching
By the bar written by expiring_touch
Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
Date night written by expiring_touch
When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
ME written by jjd

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.