Breaking Free by Janesaddiction

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Breaking Free dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Janesaddiction
ASL Info:	48/F/Somewhere on A1A
Elite Ratio:	1.98 - 8/24/18
Words:	71

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	1156
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	452

Description:

Breaking Free dots

-------------------------------------------

Earth as my bed and darkness my blanket
fixed on his voice
like metal to magnet

Perfection envelops my being
drowning with comfort, yet
never long enough, always fleeting

Stars tell a new story
a road map in the sky
to escape this purgatory

Light breaks free and begins to dim
eyes closed, my wish to be
once again in the arms of him

Submitted on 2016-08-10 14:05:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Hi there! This is a lovely piece, and something not enough of us contemplate on, in my humble opinion (of course).

There are a lot of ways to take what you have written - and maybe that is the intent of your poem. Or maybe, that's just me - it's early yet (and I haven't had my coffee). In any case, the poem made me think, a good thing.

I did see one thing that you might want to change - totally your call: envelopes to envelops? I was thinking that "envelopes" is plural for those things that you use with a letter - whereas "envelops" is to surround? Perfection envelops - rather the Perfection envelopes? I could be wrong - again, it's early yet ;)

Thank you for sharing!

Take care,

K
| Posted on 2016-08-14 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

201430

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
untitled written by MyPeriodical
Canalizar written by MyPeriodical
written by Daniel Barlow
The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
That Kind of Love Never Brought Me Flowers written by Jazzy
Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
untitled written by MyPeriodical
Remember written by MyPeriodical
written by Daniel Barlow
written by Daniel Barlow
written by Daniel Barlow
Chasing The Lie written by jackz
Instances written by hyproglo
written by Daniel Barlow
Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
written by Daniel Barlow
Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
written by Daniel Barlow
written by Daniel Barlow
Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
Survive ed - right back at the beginning written by MyPeriodical
Giant written by MyPeriodical
A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
written by Daniel Barlow
Legends written by poetotoe
Heroína written by MyPeriodical
Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
Gone written by MyPeriodical
Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.