Breaking Free by Janesaddiction

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Submission Name: Breaking Free dots

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Author:	Janesaddiction
ASL Info:	48/F/Somewhere on A1A
Elite Ratio:	2.01 - 8/24/16
Words:	71

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	965
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	452

Description:

Breaking Free dots

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Earth as my bed and darkness my blanket
fixed on his voice
like metal to magnet

Perfection envelops my being
drowning with comfort, yet
never long enough, always fleeting

Stars tell a new story
a road map in the sky
to escape this purgatory

Light breaks free and begins to dim
eyes closed, my wish to be
once again in the arms of him

Submitted on 2016-08-10 14:05:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Hi there! This is a lovely piece, and something not enough of us contemplate on, in my humble opinion (of course).

There are a lot of ways to take what you have written - and maybe that is the intent of your poem. Or maybe, that's just me - it's early yet (and I haven't had my coffee). In any case, the poem made me think, a good thing.

I did see one thing that you might want to change - totally your call: envelopes to envelops? I was thinking that "envelopes" is plural for those things that you use with a letter - whereas "envelops" is to surround? Perfection envelops - rather the Perfection envelopes? I could be wrong - again, it's early yet ;)

Thank you for sharing!

Take care,

K
| Posted on 2016-08-14 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.