Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Around the Cornerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Torie
    Elite Ratio:    2.95 - 204/224/59
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 491
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 676



    Description:
       I tremble at what might be round the corner.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAround the Cornerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just around the corner
    Out of reach
    Of logic
    Of longing
    Safe from them.

    But still it is around the corner
    All I have to do is turn the corner
    But it is too exciting
    And they don’t like me to be too excited.
    So I loiter on the corner.

    Of course I bleed a little as I wait
    I blame them, I blame myself
    Sometimes though my excitement creeps up on me
    And overwhelms me
    And embarrasses me.

    My excitement races through me
    And brings me to life
    To let me know what it might be like
    Around the corner.
    Could you hold my hand?




    Submitted on 2016-08-13 05:52:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What's around the corner, in terms of destiny, is something that will always make us wonder. Some people fear the future because of the past...and others of us are excited by it because of the past. It's all a matter of perspective...depending on the shoes (circumstances) that a person is standing in at the time. What if?

    I enjoyed reading this poem for a variety of reasons. It reminded me of something I wrote a long time ago about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence...when it truly wasn't as green at all. What if it was greener was the prevailing thought of the poem. In any case, your work here took me there.

    I only see one thing that I might make different...but it is your work, so do with it what you will. What if (indeed) you were to make this slight change?

    Just around the corner
    Out of reach...
    ...of logic
    ...of longing
    Safe from them.

    I was just thinking of a way that would set off your initial thought "of logic" and "of longing" without changing much at all (making those two points more pronounced). It's just a thought, only a thought. I guess it's more a preference thing...and nothing critical at all.

    Great read and thanks for sharing!

    K
    | Posted on 2016-08-14 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201432

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry