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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Around the Cornerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Torie
    Elite Ratio:    2.95 - 204/224/59
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 519
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 676



    Description:
       I tremble at what might be round the corner.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAround the Cornerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just around the corner
    Out of reach
    Of logic
    Of longing
    Safe from them.

    But still it is around the corner
    All I have to do is turn the corner
    But it is too exciting
    And they don’t like me to be too excited.
    So I loiter on the corner.

    Of course I bleed a little as I wait
    I blame them, I blame myself
    Sometimes though my excitement creeps up on me
    And overwhelms me
    And embarrasses me.

    My excitement races through me
    And brings me to life
    To let me know what it might be like
    Around the corner.
    Could you hold my hand?




    Submitted on 2016-08-13 05:52:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      What's around the corner, in terms of destiny, is something that will always make us wonder. Some people fear the future because of the past...and others of us are excited by it because of the past. It's all a matter of perspective...depending on the shoes (circumstances) that a person is standing in at the time. What if?

    I enjoyed reading this poem for a variety of reasons. It reminded me of something I wrote a long time ago about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence...when it truly wasn't as green at all. What if it was greener was the prevailing thought of the poem. In any case, your work here took me there.

    I only see one thing that I might make different...but it is your work, so do with it what you will. What if (indeed) you were to make this slight change?

    Just around the corner
    Out of reach...
    ...of logic
    ...of longing
    Safe from them.

    I was just thinking of a way that would set off your initial thought "of logic" and "of longing" without changing much at all (making those two points more pronounced). It's just a thought, only a thought. I guess it's more a preference thing...and nothing critical at all.

    Great read and thanks for sharing!

    K
    | Posted on 2016-08-14 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]


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