Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Silver Clouds of Tomorrow's Rain dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 75/182/211
    Words: 221
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 575
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1564



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Silver Clouds of Tomorrow's Rain dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It came in a cool breeze calling,
    lingering voices that haunt,
    described in many names;
    described no better than melancholy.

    An imminent hope of silver,
    a lining to clouds tossed in lightning,
    departed to battle the encroaching storm;
    departed to battle distant thunder.

    It punished glimpses of a blue sky,
    strangled opal blinks of moonlight,
    drowning panic of pink horizons;
    drowning panic in the black of the eye.

    An angelic kiss of ocean brine,
    gives restless hearts time to arrive,
    dark tides crash over starboard,
    dark times crash the shore ahead.

    It conquered men that sought to change the world,
    plenty tears have been shed,
    dreaming of a safe passage home;
    dreaming of resting laurels.

    An outcast in a tragedy,
    at a loss for words,
    draining rain that soaked the soul;
    draining icy embrace.

    It broke wood and steel with wrath of water,
    sinking beneath went all hope and future,
    desperation gave nothing but the great absolute;
    desperation told death to wait a while longer.

    An emptiness of a legacy benign,
    chasing wealth and happiness;
    delivering a child with no name to bear;
    delivering no ink to will.

    It remains through the sun,
    tracing rays of light in peaceful clouds,
    dying flesh cold from waiting hope;
    dying given all that could be gained.




    Submitted on 2016-08-22 23:37:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem took me from there - to there - and then again to there. Each line seemed to be it's own destination within the realm of the story that you're telling.

    Loved these lines...

    It punished glimpses of a blue sky,
    strangled opal blinks of moonlight,
    drowning panic of pink horizons;
    drowning panic in the black of the eye.

    It reminded me of...

    Red sky at night, sailors delight;
    red sky at morning, sailors take warning.

    The visuals that you created were breathtaking - and while there are many hints of sadness throughout this piece, I felt a sense of hope. Maybe that's just me.

    I did have a question as to your use of semi-colons, commas, and periods throughout this piece: how did you decide when and where to use each of them? Just curious...

    By the way, this poem goes straight to my favorites. My father owned a sailboat for many years - and this reminded me of the time spent with him sailing around various lakes (small and large). Good times!

    Thank you for sharing!

    K
    | Posted on 2016-08-24 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201445

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Cover written by saartha
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Love written by saartha
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Etiquette written by saartha
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry