Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Praise the Sunburst Phoenixdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Passionbyapathy
    ASL Info:    23/M/Columbus, Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    5.3 - 207/276/228
    Words: 353
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 518
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2377



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPraise the Sunburst Phoenixdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Awake and am one inferno incarnate
    searing wings beat dead
    the air so low it shudders
    sheering atmosphere clear out while rising
    feather tips bright as new sun yellowed
    rusting into modest mellowed merigold
    then hinting honey before settling orange
    followed ironically by apple
    which ripens hue to scarlet
    at dusk sets to blood garnet
    which cools finally to burgundy

    My wings alone cast enough shades
    darkened by every age and awesome madness

    My core is living fire
    binding my body and my fate
    igniting every quill aflame
    and I still nest where I loosed
    gave myself to time and an open mind
    closed around rhyme or reasoning
    defined by the vibrancy of being
    in reckoning tilt my head back and cry
    it pierces fathomless and reverberates
    finally lessening with guttural squawks
    still resonating with high noon.

    My shadow is hiding under my span
    straight down so I, above, can stage omen

    The day grows hotter and I molt each night
    into ashes, scattered dust on the wind
    until then my colors crispen and at evening fade
    my plumage full embered down
    eyes like white hot coals, glaring
    more calm than angry, but ever wary
    mortality is worn to walk this world
    and though I'll manage to peace rebirth
    still death is frigid agony inherent
    suffering snuffed out like a candlewick
    soul struggles to find home in a carcass

    I know it's art, but all combustible
    straight through to my heart, it's all trusted

    At night I smolder and hiss with the cool
    fools think it's running water and chase
    before realizing the magnitude of their mistake
    but I am passive, claw the dirt in rashness
    then resign to let them pass and fly
    up to where the stars are spindles to the sky
    and the lunar wane is welcomed
    I weary spinning terra firma through time
    and burning away with my every cherished anything
    until left with quiet and so to nest return
    jagged cliffstone and thorough-soaked thatch

    Let weighted elements fall into the sea
    air the final wisps and perch in sleep




    Submitted on 2016-10-02 17:51:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very nice write. I wish I could offer you a criticism or a word of advice, but I think I am coming from the angle more as an admirer. This write had a multitude of depth and layers pulling you in and igniting the imagination to the picture. Maybe even an animation of clawing at the dirt in a very passive way as if you were a cock. A tumble weed rolling by during the clawing action. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2016-10-02 00:00:00 | by Chelebel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201498

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love is divine written by Ramneet
    The Supreme Court written by poetotoe
    Warm fuzzy "no" written by teika5
    Temporal Displacement written by endlessgame23
    Virtual Reality Star written by endlessgame23
    Scorpio written by endlessgame23
    Proactive written by SincerWritinAsh
    Holding on to Intent (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Holding Hands written by yesmole
    Shadows written by Daniel Barlow
    Prone written by Daniel Barlow
    Ritual Hunger written by endlessgame23
    psychedelics written by Daniel Barlow
    The Eternal Moment written by endlessgame23
    Silent Hill written by endlessgame23
    Ash written by MysterydarkPoet
    The Creation written by eggshells
    lost in translation written by robbie
    As A Bee Sees written by homeless
    hurrying About written by teika5
    Freedom Rite written by teika5
    static high written by teika5
    Sex Addict. written by Poetic_tragedy6
    obstacles. barriers. some such written by Daniel Barlow
    The Unwanted New Life written by jackz
    Endless Game written by endlessgame23
    Relapse written by ForgottenGraves
    Murderers Manifesto written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Luck written by MistidLovelac
    Euphemism of an Interstellar written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry