[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Deserving of a good titledots

    Author: Chelebel
    Elite Ratio:    2.21 - 53/166/172
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 378
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1064

       My world does not know the definition of implausible.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeserving of a good titledots

    When time subsides
    and those stones float
    gracefully to the bottom of the sea,
    will the sand crash and rub against me?

    Smoothing and softening the edges
    that once cut and scorned those
    whom brushed against.
    Becoming salty
    and Cloudy
    like sea glass

    Will you know
    my heart is true
    and my eyes tried
    to unglue the desires
    hidden inside; all the years
    flown by. I protested you.

    You knew,
    You wished
    upon this star
    your intention
    So I would
    to you.

    It's been said before
    and will be said again,
    We are a feather,
    connected beyond
    the imaginable
    In a world of
    with our hearts
    being the cause.

    Submitted on 2016-10-18 02:28:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      As was mentioned by Paradox, the slow back and forth of this poem mimics the movement of the sea. In fact, the rhythm of this piece has a hypnotic quality about it. Whether planned this way or not...it works quite well.

    I did notice this line...

    "Its been said before"

    I believe you meant...

    "It's been said before"

    Nicely done and very enjoyable!

    | Posted on 2016-10-27 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem, it has a slow back and forth, like the movement of the sea which is alluded at all throughout the poem. I don't know about the ending though, I think you could have done a better job there. If you're looking for a title, you could use the first line, that works great I think...
    | Posted on 2016-10-20 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wavelength written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Linger written by saartha
    Push written by JanePlane
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    AI written by poetotoe
    Because of You written by poetotoe
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]