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    dots Submission Name: Passing a School in the Nightdots

    Author: Wolfwatching
    ASL Info:    28/Male/Ireland
    Elite Ratio:    7.81 - 94/130/109
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 509
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 693


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPassing a School in the Nightdots

    While others are wedded to electric light
    I carry my thought on the road outside
    I pass the den in the amber glow
    Where quiet Cerberus sleeps.

    The shelters at the top of the street
    Are yellow and empty; no lift is coming
    As rain comes spilling over the roof-tops,
    The charcoal bushes keep their secrets.

    And something glints in the bare class-room,
    A spirit begging for warmth in her empty seat
    Makes me realise I don't want to know
    Where the road will lead this Autumn night

    The leaves are keeping their own knowledge now
    And those that gather around the gate seem meek.

    Submitted on 2016-10-24 19:18:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting imagery: charcoal bushes, but after the line indicating it is raining. Are the bushes like charcoal because of the rain and gloom, or should I imagine what charcoal looks like when wet with rain? The things our minds latch onto.

    One minor suggestion--the last line stumbles a bit at "gather around", might consider changing to "gather 'round" to kill one syllable.
    | Posted on 2016-11-03 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      the leaves of her book
    unruffled and stiff
    are the thousands of secrets
    on a child's lips...

    Just a few thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2016-10-27 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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