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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Years gone bydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Chelebel
    Elite Ratio:    2.07 - 48/165/170
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 303
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 818



    Description:
       I wrote this a very long time ago. I just found this in an old paper back book full of blank pages. I'm guessing this is three years old. Maybe more.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYears gone bydots
    -------------------------------------------



    I don't want your crazy
    Acting like a baby.
    In these times we
    Just need to be tough.

    Pick yourself up and
    Turn it all around.
    The choice is
    Looking up.

    Instead you beat us down
    Worry, frustration,
    Complications.
    That's all I
    Hear.

    What about love?


    Manifest the best
    You can have all the rest

    My love was true
    My heart is blue
    Change your way
    Or I'm not gonna stay.


    I want someone
    Who can see
    That I'm just me
    With no hidden
    Agendas

    I
    Wish you
    Could believe
    In me.









    Submitted on 2016-11-04 00:06:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the image in the first line. I liked "I don't want your crazy". Often times in relationships, people use acting childish over communicating their needs. I also sense of insecurity from your partner in this piece. The end was powerful as well. Good job :)
    | Posted on 2017-04-04 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the theme of this poem. There is a demand for a matured and strong relationship than juvenile tantrums. There is a long life of matured relationships which requires lots of wittiness, tolerance, faith and the ability to sacrifice. Also relationships grow with time.
    | Posted on 2016-11-10 00:00:00 | by Ramneet | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know, I don't really like the rhyme pattern here. Imo you either rhyme properly in a poem or don't rhyme at all. Maybe you could rework this and add more rhyming in the beginning or better yet lose some of the rhymes in the middle...
    | Posted on 2016-11-05 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]


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