Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Orbit dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Chelebel
    Elite Ratio:    2.07 - 48/165/170
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 497
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 903



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOrbit dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Suppose life
    is coupled with
    infinite journeys and
    alternate realities that we
    travel to frequently. Where in one
    world we are a nobody, a loner, an
    "independent" wanderer
    found to be bland
    somewhat snobbish
    for truly being shy.



    Then, in the other world,
    you are equally a nobody
    who everybody knows as a
    somebody, but is still the popular
    nobody everybody knows. Now, once
    those two worlds collide, you are left with
    that exact same feeling no matter who you
    are and how independently dependent you are.


    Multiple realities and infinite journey's,
    the soul is steadfast in its thrive to survive.
    Its need to be. Like the sea needs the moon,
    you are the sun we all revolve around.




    Submitted on 2016-11-20 23:20:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This kind of reminds me of this Election season. lol

    As for the piece, I love the concept and if I could offer any advice, it would be to show rater than tell. Use a bit more metaphors to drive home the piece. Show us with images what you're trying to paint for us, not just words. If that makes sense.

    It's an interesting piece. One I look forward to reading when and if you add a couple metaphors or similes.


    JP
    | Posted on 2016-11-21 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201574

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Machiavellian Constellation written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Desert written by lori_tab
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Love Was Enough written by poetotoe
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    A Tounge Lashing written by teika5
    Ritual Hunger written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Pyre Romancer written by Wolfwatching
    My Irish Harp written by poetotoe
    47.4979 19.0402 written by homeless
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Aster written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Don't Stop written by poetotoe
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Silent Hill written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Shadows written by Daniel Barlow
    All cause of you written by theman

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry