Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Swoon (working title)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.08 - 366/364/154
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 947
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 480



    Description:
       little ditty before bed


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSwoon (working title)dots
    -------------------------------------------



    I want to swoon the wheat fields of your lips
    As a monsoon
    So when I smile your mouth arcs as a stalk of grain
    And when my tongue pirouettes you taste me

    I want you to fall into the silver circle of my arms
    As a shadow
    So when you breathe my chest heaves like the sea
    And when your eyes close I dream

    dicicco cosentino ©






    Submitted on 2016-11-29 01:59:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is lovely and romantic.

    "So when you breathe my chest heaves like the sea"

    This is powerful imagery.

    It is an interesting perspective, "wanting" to do those things.

    It almost seems like it speaks of loss vs. romance. Or of a wish for how things were once, either with this lover or another.

    Maybe I'm mixing that up with my own lack of romance. LOL Maybe I just want someone to want to fall into the silver circle of my arms . . . either way, I enjoyed this write.
    | Posted on 2017-02-19 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201585

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Incubus written by monad
    ME written by jjd
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Bond written by saartha
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Linger written by saartha
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    untitled written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry