Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Swoon (working title)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.08 - 366/364/154
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 951
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 480



    Description:
       little ditty before bed


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSwoon (working title)dots
    -------------------------------------------



    I want to swoon the wheat fields of your lips
    As a monsoon
    So when I smile your mouth arcs as a stalk of grain
    And when my tongue pirouettes you taste me

    I want you to fall into the silver circle of my arms
    As a shadow
    So when you breathe my chest heaves like the sea
    And when your eyes close I dream

    dicicco cosentino ©






    Submitted on 2016-11-29 01:59:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is lovely and romantic.

    "So when you breathe my chest heaves like the sea"

    This is powerful imagery.

    It is an interesting perspective, "wanting" to do those things.

    It almost seems like it speaks of loss vs. romance. Or of a wish for how things were once, either with this lover or another.

    Maybe I'm mixing that up with my own lack of romance. LOL Maybe I just want someone to want to fall into the silver circle of my arms . . . either way, I enjoyed this write.
    | Posted on 2017-02-19 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201585

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    ME written by jjd
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    untitled written by Chelebel
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Incubus written by monad
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    This written by Chelebel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry