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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crescent Moondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.8 - 327/376/120
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 150
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 442



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrescent Moondots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I could sit rocking
    on the upcurve of moon
    that rests tonight a little above
    the tree branches, and hang my
    naked feet over the edge, dipping
    them in thick, wet sky, I might grab
    a floating-by cloud between my
    toes, pull it up to my lap
    and work it into a cool pillow
    to press behind my neck,
    lie back and connect
    the glittering, gathering stars.




    Submitted on 2016-12-20 22:19:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This sounds sweet, slightly melancholic as well as enticingly surreal. It kind of has a Romantic tinge going on ...I liked the imagery.

    I have experience the same feeling more often than needed and now that I think about it a little it might perhaps be triggered by loneliness ... or maybe the sheer desire to escape reality whatever that is.

    As for some suggestions, not sure whether are wanted, I feel that the line breaks sort of hinders the flow and the beauty of the piece. Take this section for instance:

    "If I could sit rocking
    on the upcurve of moon
    that rests tonight a little above
    the tree branches, and hang my
    naked feet over the edge, dipping
    them in thick, wet sky, I might grab"


    If I could sit rocking
    on the upcurve of moon
    a little above the tree branches,
    and hang my naked feet over the edge,
    dipping them in thick, wet sky,
    I might grab .....

    by rearranging the lines and editing the write a bit the reader might be able to follow the message as well as experience the wonderful imagery I was taking about at the begging.

    That's only my take on it .... hope you dont mind

    Take care and keep posting,



    Ethan Brody
    | Posted on 2017-01-11 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


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