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Crescent Moon


Author: annie0888
ASL Info:    49/f/LA
Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327 /382 /122
Words: 77
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1629
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 442



Description:




Crescent Moon



If I could sit rocking
on the upcurve of moon
that rests tonight a little above
the tree branches, and hang my
naked feet over the edge, dipping
them in thick, wet sky, I might grab
a floating-by cloud between my
toes, pull it up to my lap
and work it into a cool pillow
to press behind my neck,
lie back and connect
the glittering, gathering stars.




Submitted on 2016-12-20 22:19:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  floating in a pool of stars
in the darkness of near dark
I often wonder where you are
since I am here and you are not...

Thoughts.
| Posted on 2017-02-28 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  This sounds sweet, slightly melancholic as well as enticingly surreal. It kind of has a Romantic tinge going on ...I liked the imagery.

I have experience the same feeling more often than needed and now that I think about it a little it might perhaps be triggered by loneliness ... or maybe the sheer desire to escape reality whatever that is.

As for some suggestions, not sure whether are wanted, I feel that the line breaks sort of hinders the flow and the beauty of the piece. Take this section for instance:

"If I could sit rocking
on the upcurve of moon
that rests tonight a little above
the tree branches, and hang my
naked feet over the edge, dipping
them in thick, wet sky, I might grab"


If I could sit rocking
on the upcurve of moon
a little above the tree branches,
and hang my naked feet over the edge,
dipping them in thick, wet sky,
I might grab .....

by rearranging the lines and editing the write a bit the reader might be able to follow the message as well as experience the wonderful imagery I was taking about at the begging.

That's only my take on it .... hope you dont mind

Take care and keep posting,



Ethan Brody
| Posted on 2017-01-11 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


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