Crescent Moon
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Description:
Crescent Moon
If I could sit rocking on the upcurve of moon that rests tonight a little above the tree branches, and hang my naked feet over the edge, dipping them in thick, wet sky, I might grab a floating-by cloud between my toes, pull it up to my lap and work it into a cool pillow to press behind my neck, lie back and connect the glittering, gathering stars. |
Submitted on 2016-12-20 22:19:39 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| floating in a pool of stars in the darkness of near dark I often wonder where you are since I am here and you are not... Thoughts. | Posted on 2017-02-28 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ] | This sounds sweet, slightly melancholic as well as enticingly surreal. It kind of has a Romantic tinge going on ...I liked the imagery. | I have experience the same feeling more often than needed and now that I think about it a little it might perhaps be triggered by loneliness ... or maybe the sheer desire to escape reality whatever that is. As for some suggestions, not sure whether are wanted, I feel that the line breaks sort of hinders the flow and the beauty of the piece. Take this section for instance: "If I could sit rocking on the upcurve of moon that rests tonight a little above the tree branches, and hang my naked feet over the edge, dipping them in thick, wet sky, I might grab" If I could sit rocking on the upcurve of moon a little above the tree branches, and hang my naked feet over the edge, dipping them in thick, wet sky, I might grab ..... by rearranging the lines and editing the write a bit the reader might be able to follow the message as well as experience the wonderful imagery I was taking about at the begging. That's only my take on it .... hope you dont mind Take care and keep posting, Ethan Brody | Posted on 2017-01-11 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ] | |
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