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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Confidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Namlooc20
    ASL Info:    26/Male/Spokane, WA
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 359/327/107
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 775
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 684



    Description:
       It's been years since I've posted here. I feel like I've become better at my hobby in that time. I've grown from an angst driven teenager. But this is where I started and I wanted to make sure that some of my newer work ended up on this site.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConfidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The cooling engine was likened to breath
    once pouring clouds into the air, fading
    into the absolute nothingness. Death
    on any uncertain terms would just sing.

    The sound of our voices far from ringing
    over the quieted tone of Thom Yorke.
    And yet, I could feel my cold heart singing.
    You confided in me, your eyes a cork

    relieving bottled up pressure beneath.
    I brushed the fire from your deep hazel eyes,
    and it caught my heart ablaze in a wreath.
    Finally here, a role I would reprise

    At this moment I knew my heart was taken,
    but in your eyes the sign just read vacant.




    Submitted on 2016-12-26 17:59:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The ending was a surprise. Maybe in this case it isnt personal. Females can be easily distracted at some of the worst times by even the most trivial things.

    I love the opening lines.
    | Posted on 2017-01-07 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201618

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