I have never liked writes depicting sex or love making, come to that. I liked yours though you made it sound sweet and intense at the same time. The writing I mean .... I enjoyed your wording. it is powerful. I particularly liked lines such as:
" My every breath in awe of life's most perfect majesty"
"I have never felt so safe or certain, surely serenity has saturated herself into eternity"
I loved the first I think it is my favourite. The second is great too but I would have invented it just to make it even stronger that it is ... maybe something like:
" have I never felt so safe or certain, surely serenity has saturated herself into eternity"